Living in Lydney, Gloucestershire

Lydney: The ugly little brother of Coleford

The dialect of the Lydney folk is difficult to understand and impossible to master. Decades of inbreeding has now altered their vocal chords to the point of mutation.

Living in Felixstowe, Suffolk

Felixstowe: it is just like the film ‘Hot Fuzz’

Been living in Felixstowe 6 weeks now having moved up from Hertfordshire. What a strange place!

Living in Ross-on-Wye, Herefordshire

Ross-on-Wye: The halitosis capital of Europe

Most towns and cities suffer with pollution caused by petrol fumes, factories etc. Not Ross on Wye. The green cloud hanging over this town is 100% organic.

Living in Gillingham, Kent

Gillingham: a quaint little sh*tehouse situated on the river Medway

Gillingham people are easy to distinguish from Chatham-ites (where the geezers are half puggy & most of the lardarse ladies are on the game).

Living in Moseley, Birmingham

Moseley, Birmingham has become a nouveau riche prick’s paradise

I've lived in Moseley for 7 years and in that time it has become a nouveau riche prick's paradise complete with BMW and Rolls Royce owners.