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So you want to add your town to iLiveHere? Well we just don’t add any old rubbish to the site. You need to write a minimum of two paragraphs for your article to be considered. Just putting “my town is crap, don’t come here” is not going to cut it. We like articles that are darkly comic and cynical. We don’t like local councillors or business people writing tourists advertisements.

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With all that being said, it’s time to let ripp and tell us about your town! Fill in the form below or email your rant to articles AT ilivehere.co.uk

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  • Adam Foster

    So you’ve been chased out of Wigan, Aspull and Blackrod won’t entertain you unless your either fresh out of Strangeways with a crack habbit or ready to dedicate you life to raising money for dying kids when we all know it makes more sense to pay for the young lads coffin, that has had to be specially adapted to fit his spaz chariot in.

    So you settle in Horwich because it looks like a nice town and the first thing you see are a set of beltin hanging baskets outside of the towns main boozer, as you chill on the back seat of the 575 using the free WiFi to announce your arrival on the Bolton scene.

    After a few weeks of living in your mates gaff whilst he’s “on holiday” for 3 months you then find yourself exploring the town, if anything else just to see if you can walk to that giant tit in the background where all the locals seem to face and pray at night.

    Take a walk down Chorley new road and you’ll be confronted by early retired hippies protesting the erection of a street sign because it hasn’t been made by a local business or it hasn’t been wrote in a “ye olde” style.

    If you go at around 3:30pm then you can get rid of a bit of stress by punching gobby little school runts whilst their mothers are too busy worrying about what state there vagina is going to be in after Mercedes and Bentley decide to make it child number 12 and 13.

    If you decide to make friends with anybody on Singleton Avenue or Ormston then your either going to have a well stocked freezer full of the finest steaks and lamb that Asda or Co-op have to offer at a great price… it all depends on what the local bag head can pinch and how much he’s rattling, or your going to become “one of them” by claiming that your epilepsy is stopping you from working yet the strobe lights at an all night rave are fine because the E’s seem to cancel out the trigger and your best mate is anyone who’ll understand where your coming from.

    If you want to roll back the years and have a fight then you can always go in to the Saddle and tell the landlady her beer isn’t quite up to standards… but make sure you get the first punch in (a golden rule to remember when involved in any altercation between a male and female from Horwich).

    Failing that you can go to the Bowling Green and declare Horwich a Muslim state so the EDL lads can get stuck in.

    Follow the smell of green and sweaty pokemon hunters and you’ll find yourself in Brazley and its time to turn and run!
    Stay too long and your kids will be took off you, Debt collectors will have a their own front door key and your only worry will be if you have enough bottles of frosty jacks to see you through your Jeremy Kyle-a-thon.

    There’s lots to do in terms of fun, you can either volley a cat into the Beehive Roundabout, go on station park and see how long you can let your dog s**t before a toddler falls in it and you turn and run for Aldi, or you can join a load of doleys in the RMI and talk about how much easier it was when the job centre was on car park.

    There are no amount of walks round Curleys Fisheries that can knock the common out of you,
    No amount of E-cars taxi trips to Max Max that will stop you buying a Chicken tikka lasagne from Iceland to replace the ready to roast chicken in a bag.

    Do yourselves a favour and go to Chorley, its easier to explain to an outsider where you live

  • TrulyBlack

    I live in DARLINGTON. It has nice green grass, nice people and clean streets, where everyone are friends and sing in a circle… NOT.
    Darlington is the noticeably opposite, sh*thole side of it. since moving from London, Darlington has earned a bad reputation for its poorly-treated schools, its tracksuit-filled town centres, the lack of cultural diversity and the shitty attitude u get from ppl nowadays. I can’t bare living in Darlington. Like I said earlier, about the tracksuit-chavs, Darlington’s nickname is ‘The Chav Ocean’, due to the amount of kids who came into my school with their nikes and their tracksuits/juicy coutures etc. Since leaving school in 2008, I have been trying to move out. I went to uni here and am graduating this year, and then I will move back home, either Jamaica or London, then scribble Darlington out of my memory.
    If ur a Londoner, wannin 2 move up to a non-busy, boring place, and if Darlo’s ur choice, then stay in your car and strap your seat belts, as this is gonna be a long ride… The dialect in Darlington makes me wonder if even a lawyer from here is dumb, or a nurse, as the Darlington accent is so improper, colloquial, incomprehensible s**t!! it’s like mixing every accent there is in the world, and the finished result is Darlington. The lord took a sweaty, painful s**t!… And then Darlington was created.
    Bye. took me 5 mins 2 write this A* SA up. c if u northeners can do any better…

  • mawdesleytractor

    The photo for the article on Mawdesley, is not Mawdesley. This is Mawdesley.

    A truly stunning and inspiring place I think you’ll agree.

  • Abigail

    Eastbourne is full of lower class people. I wouldn’t be seen dead in Eastbourne if it wasn’t for Meads Village this is the only place that be seen at meads not with a poor on the bus I don’t feel safe if not saving the likes of us i’m probably back at my old town where the grammar schools are much better with a town full of lower class school children and Single mothers this town is full of it & ship them out of this town we don’t need them here this place you can benefit Street we don’t need it here it’s better too up class people it’s nice to be in Hove East Sussex So much better class & I feel much safer in hove Eastbourne is rough The same as Whitehawk fc football club

  • BT7474

    Why isn’t Bristol on the map?

    The county was originally called Bristol than Avon and now reverted back to Bristol Officially, but people always called it Bristol – We had two lots of bureaucrats; Labour = Bristol, and Avon = Conservative.

    Now we have gone back officially to Bristol I don’t think that the local county Tax was reduced after it was increased.

    Wikipedia claims Bristol is England’s; 6th largest populous city, and UK’s 8th largest populous city, which means that this website can’t be any good since it hasn’t even mentioned Bristol.

    Since, Bristol have loss a lot of area and people to especially Gloucestershire so I thought that the ranking would have been much lower.

    Bristol is now the official city and county again: probably the main city in the Southwest: I have just verified what ranking Wikipedia gives to Bristol 16th June 2015, – estimated population = 437,500 for 2014:

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bristol

    The didn’t work – I am using Google Chrome Version 43.0.2357.124 m (64-bit).

  • Abigail

    Eastbourne is full of lower class people. I wouldn’t be seen dead in Eastbourne if it wasn’t for Meads Village this is the only place that be seen at meads not with a poor on the bus I don’t feel safe if not saving the likes of us i’m probably back at my old town where the grammar schools are much better with a town full of lower class school children and Single mothers this town is full of it & ship them out of this town we don’t need them here this place you can benefit Street we don’t need it here it’s better too up class people it’s nice to be in Hove East Sussex So much better class

  • KingsB94

    Moss da Ghetto GUNCHESTA all da way f**k muppets and haters M16 f**k doggington M14

  • jennycurrington

    Fakenham is just as s**t and jut as good as lynn. little lynn really… same shitty people, same chav in tescos thinking theyre it… nice people were you can fine ’em.

  • fireyblingogo7.7

    No this is bollcks Whitton is da place to be^!

  • gerladpatrikbefhan

    So yeah that's my take…

  • Wimbledonboy

    Is this Britain’s worst address..?.
    it should definitely be in the top10 worst addresses.