Living in Amble, Northumberland

Amble: the population of 6,022 is now almost entirely related

Forced to procreate among themselves for the last 600 years, Amble residents possess some of the lowest rates of genetic variation in the world.

Living in Morpeth

Morpeth: Is it really as posh as the posters make it look? No!

Morpeth: the town centre is full of stuck up posh twats. By night it's full of drunks that walk the high street just looking for a fight.

Living in Ashington, Northumberland

Ashington is now a necrotic ulcer on the nether regions of the North East

There is no room for idiosyncrasy in Ashington – a crime punishable by the mob. No gays, no goths, no new-romantics.

Wooler

Wooler

In the morning this is a lovely rural town, old people go out and do their thing. Between midday and the afternoon they start to disappear, one by one.And I understand why... by the late

The sad decline of The North

The sad decline of The North

This country is a shell of its former self, and the blame lies not with those chavs , but the pin-striped gangsters at the top.