I left Somerset at 18 to go to Reading to uni and have since graduated and returned to pay off my overdraft. In all fairness, Yeovil pales in comparison to Reading which offers ***** from all walks of life – spotty, greasy white ones, skinny rude-boy black ones, even skinnier, greasier asian ones. I don’t think there are any non-white ***** in yeovil to be honest – that would involve widening the gene pool out of the four or five large families who dominate. I encountered a particularly unsavoury group of them this evening whilst walking my dog in the park behind the octagon – about 10 white sportswear-clad 16 year olds each clutching a crate of stella that Kev’s older brother Terry probably bought from Somerfield – and they plopped themselves down on the special area where registry office newlyweds have their photo taken and no doubt proceeded to leave smashed bottles and *** butts everywhere. And on a friday. When do most people get married – saturday.
Those who are old enough to drink often frequent my bar at Le Jardin (that’s right – I actually work there) where they suck up cider and black like it’s the elixir of life. Classier **** birds have a half instead, topped off with copious amounts of sambuca and twenty or so bottles of ridiculously over priced VK blue before moaning that the *** machine’s eaten their money. I’m usually far too polite to point out that it’s switched off.

Decrepit industrial town with a genuine trailer park. **** spotting is not a challege when the high street is adorned with a wilkinsons, cash-convertors, QS, it truly is the tesco blue-stripe town of the south west…
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**** Capital – It’s true – or certainly going that way!!.

Yeovil was actually discribed as the fastest growing town in England last year, some more optamistic soles thought these dinamics were due to Westlands, Pittards or the Navy (where ***** grandad probably used to work – but whose son never made the grade and later got sacked from Tescos and therefore taught the trade of chaving to his mutant offspring), but the towns four-fold over the last 10 years is really down to these ‘mutants’. .

The family names to listen out for (or spot in the Western Gazette) are: Stoodley, Green, Cooper, Brenhan, Gosney, Bovey, Cains, Ashford – these are the ‘stem’ *****…all covered in badly inked tattoo’s that – ‘Weenie’ most probably did for a tenner (who himself is notorious for being HIV+ and a tattooist!!..er..and a piercer whome only uses a gun! – not needles like your meant to).

***** in Yeovil can be spotted on most days teaching their young before and after school lessons in **** eticate…like swearing as load as possible to the furthest person away from you, or how to walk out infront of traffic instead of waiting for it to pass first. Top schools to hang out near by to witness these (un)valuble lessons in life are..Burchfield Primary, Westfield Juniors, Grass Royal Juniors, and Pen Mill Infants.

**** diet appears to only consist of chips, crisps, panda pops for (very young *****) and Special Brew for the 11+.

Drivers Licences appear not to be compusary in Yeovil neither does owning the car, having insurance or road tax or even being old enough to drive by law else where in the country.

The few employed and moralistic people left in this town are trapped by reasonable rents and house prices, pizza hut (well we were waiting for it for 10 years!!) and our jobs! – as someone has to dish out the dole and stich up the gang war wounds.

Myself…Well I’m married, nurse with 2 kids, but I would descibe myself as reformed because I used to drive a fiat punto with a banging stereo!! : )