What can I say? Woking has everything that it needs to become **** central… chertsey road (where ALL ****** seem to assemble for some good old fashioned underage drinking), the big craphole (fun fun fun for all the family, except if you aren’t wearing tracksuit bottoms) and TK Maxx with the recently deceased madhouse.
The thing about woking is that it is quite plainly a **** hole. It smells like piss, it is full of ***** and look like a dilapidated part of east London after the blitz. You can’t turn around without seeing some small **** or ******** screaming “whatr U lukin’ at?”. Think that you can shop easily in the peacocks? Well…. think again!
***** love to meet in a few places that I will mention:
1) The Big Craphole –
—> Now, don’t get me wrong… I used to work here and the people who are employed by the big apple are pretty nice non-*****/*********, but for some reason this place ATTRACTS ***** like meat on a stick does to wild dogs. Maybe it’s something to do with the bright shoddy paintwork and constant stale smell, but I can’t be totally sure.
They are most commonly found in the poolroom with their “posse” posing, and trying to impress fellow *********. Commonly they will then move onto Laserquest where they will attempt to try and get free games by the classic line “comon’ bruv” or by trying to run upstairs whilst your back is turned. Queue security, and much yelling later.
Additionally, the big apple is rubbish. The fare is extortionate for what you pay, management is **** and the likelyhood of something going wrong is very high due to overbooking or poor maintenance. Furthermore, if you have a problem, don’t expect it to get sorted. Mr Appleton has decided to cut staff costs so no one will ever be around to help you.
Chertsey road –
—> The ******** road whereby all other ***** converge to drink cheap booze and flaunt their half pissed carcasses all over the place. It is common to walk up this road to be greeted by “Oi! you ******… whatr U want” just for walking near a ****. Burbery is an essential here if you want to blend in as the place is awash with the stuff. The smell of piss and cheap booze with the occasional ricocheted blast marker of vomit on the wall or on the floor is a constant reminder of why woking has such a bad reputation.
The Peacocks –
—> ***** like to shop here for their fake chains and tracksuit bottoms, mostly bought (or stolen) from Primark, TK-Maxx, or any other random “sports store” that happens to be in the area. BE WARY. This is prime territory for the ***** to follow you, shouting abuse and making half-jokes about your mum (yeah, like they’d score with anything half-human).
The Ambassadors –
—> Come to watch a movie instead of struggling? Wrong choice here, the only way you’d see the movie is if you had a wheelbarrow full of bricks and very good aim. Most of the time you are locked in a perpetual battle JUST TO HEAR WHAT IS BEING SAID instead of “guess what Chantal said… “. Avoid like the bubonic plague and go to Guildford instead.
All in all, that’s all i can be bothered to write. Woking is rubbish and if you want to move (or even commute there) you must be crazy. AVOID LIKE BIOHAZARD. ***** in Woking are like chewing gum on your trousers, – hard to get away from.
