If you fancy watching ***** fight any night of the week, I can recommend no better place than Torquay for quality solid wall to wall no-holds-barred duking it out guaranteed non-stop nightly action. It’s also the place to go for 24/7 street vomiting and urination, police abuse and hearing the phrase “are you looking at my pint?” used as punctuation. If you’re looking for a bit of good old fashioned bottle and knife local-on-local action I would urge you to visit during the winter months as there will still be too many holiday-makers about before then. In August and September the grudge between locals and tourists will be at it’s height and may prove a touch rich for your tastes, the weapon of choice during this season tending to be ballistic. Be aware that the “time gentlemen please” bell simply denotes the point at which the landlord has decreed that the fighting must adjourn from the bar to the street and roughly translates as “seconds out” to the combatants. The tourist information blurb reads “Torquay is a lively and cosmopolitan town by night and attracts both young revellers from within the South Hams district and holiday-makers from further afield”. Take it from me, this interprets as “locals from the town enjoy fighting each other all the time but particularly relish Saturday nights when there’s an influx of like-minded aggressive imbeciles and their jail bait bimbo girlfriends from Babbacombe and Paignton. These encounters provide an excellent opportunity for them to hone their battle skills in readiness for the tourist season ahead during which they will need to demonstrate supremacy in unarmed conflict, bottle and knife wielding, olympic standard vomiting and weapons-grade profanity”. Jewel Of The English Riviera? More like Beirut on a bad night dressed up in Burberry baseball caps and Adidas trainers if my experience is anything to go by.

hello fellow **** bashers, i am aware that a report has already been filed on Torquay, however i feel the intensity of chavness is so high it deserved another. It immedieatley occured to me upon arrival in the glorified hell hole of devon known as Torquay,not unalike skegness, that there was a townie rule of the area. unlike other places there is one large **** group of about 50 or 60 people that remains dominant in the area. The ultimate no go zone of torquay being the dreaded and feared CHELSTON where the 3 dark local parks make perfect nests for large packs of *****, the bushes also seem to be preferred breeding quarters also, this maybe due to the abundance of crisp packets that in times of need a **** will use as a condom. It is in these parks that over the last 5 years people have been assaulted, raped, murdered, bottled,slapped with horses and had their property vandalised. The breed of torquay **** however is somewhat different to the average ****, in such a way as winnie the pooh is smarter than the average bear. The Torquay **** will stalk his ptrey and tactically position other ***** in the path of its poor unsuspecting meal with legs, also the fierocity of the torquay **** is unmatched without doubt. Myths tell of packs of wild ***** removing ears! and inscribing messages into their victims with their ****** old butter knives. So if you were wondering why torquay is such a tourist hotspot just remember….. were all wondering aswell