What are you doing here, this is last year’s list for 2022?! Voting is open until the end of January for the best and worst place to live in England 2023.
50. Southampton (Hampshire)
49. Staines (Surrey)
48. Plymouth (Devon)
47. Rotherham (South Yorkshire)
46. Doncaster (South Yorkshire)
45. Swanley (Kent)
44. Middlesbrough (North Yorkshire)
43. Chichester (West Sussex)
42. Boston (Lincolnshire)
41. Barnsley (South Yorkshire)
40. Paignton (Devon)
That’s got the stragglers out of the way. Always good the see ‘Chi’ making the Top 50, you have no idea how much this irritates the local petit bourgeoisie!
39. Axminster“The worst town I’ve ever visited”
“The worst town I’ve ever visited”
38. Leeds“My God where do I start”
“My God where do I start”
37. Aldershot“The vast wart on the backside of humanity”
“The vast wart on the backside of humanity”
36. Sunderland“I thought I had seen it all but Sunderland tops it”
“I thought I had seen it all but Sunderland tops it”
35. High Wycombe“You’d expect it to be pleasant, it’s far from it”
“You’d expect it to be pleasant, it’s far from it”
34. Coventry“The only place in the country where living there could be confused as a punishment”
“The only place in the country where living there could be confused as a punishment”
33. Torquay“The English Sh*tty Area”
“The English Sh*tty Area”
32. Leicester“feel threatened by the sheer amount of Roadmen”
“feel threatened by the sheer amount of Roadmen”
31. Swindon“Broken Britain in microcosm”
“Broken Britain in microcosm”
30. Andover“The town where dreams are made… and then shattered”
“The town where dreams are made… and then shattered”
Good to see Axminster making the cut again. The South West is under represented in this poll.
29. Stoke-on-Trent“Terminally depressed squalid excuse for a city”
“Terminally depressed squalid excuse for a city”
28. Accrington“The Chernobyl of the North West”
“The Chernobyl of the North West”
27. Walsall
“There are no plus sides to living in this hell hole”
“There are no plus sides to living in this hell hole”
26. Ipswich“I’ve seen some **** ridden areas, but this place takes the biscuit”
“I’ve seen some **** ridden areas, but this place takes the biscuit”
25. Burnley“Bigoted, illiterate and unemployed? You’ve found your new home!”
“Bigoted, illiterate and unemployed? You’ve found your new home!”
24. Hull“A living hell for decent folk”
“A living hell for decent folk”
23. Abingdon“Oxford’s ugly agressive little brother that may stab you”
“Oxford’s ugly agressive little brother that may stab you”
22. Barking and Dagenham“Jewel in the **** crown”
“Jewel in the **** crown”
21. Portsmouth“Home of the tale of the pissy burgers”
“Home of the tale of the pissy burgers”
20. Chatham“The festering cesspit of Medway”
“The festering cesspit of Medway”
Hull at 24. How the mighty have a fallen or risen, depending if you live there!
19. Dover“The a**ehole of England”
“The a**ehole of England”
18. Grimsby“A backward, cold and unfriendly sh*thole”
“A backward, cold and unfriendly sh*thole”
17. Croydon“the only town to feel “robbed” by their finishing place”
“the only town to feel “robbed” by their finishing place”
16. Rochdale“A complete abomination occupying the map of greater Manchester”
“A complete abomination occupying the map of greater Manchester”
15. Blackburn“Has estates that make Syria look calm”
“Has estates that make Syria look calm”
14. Blackpool“Through the rectum of the 5th horseman and out to Dante’s cesspit”
“Through the rectum of the 5th horseman and out to Dante’s cesspit”
13. Oldham“Drugs, grooming and early death”
“Drugs, grooming and early death”
12. Canterbury“A yankee-doodle tourist trap in the heart of Kent”
“A yankee-doodle tourist trap in the heart of Kent”
11. Didcot“A railway siding dressed up as a real portal to hell”
“A railway siding dressed up as a real portal to hell”
Woah there, stop scrolling!
You’ve made it past the ‘also rans’ of provincial dreck to reach the Top 10, the soft fondant icing on the top of the sh*t cake. So without delay, let’s take the first thick slice!
10. Bradford
Slipping 6 places down to 10 is the Yorkshire’s very own Heart of Darkness. Described by one of our contributors as “The land of dreams, if you dream of takeaways and pound shops”, just scraping back into the Top 10 is Bradford. Here’s what our contributors had to say:
Want the best deals come to Bradford, buy 1 get 1 free chicken and chips, a stolen PS4 from some Slovakian at Foster Square or some cheap deodorants from the local junkie desperate for his next fix.
Bradford is awash with the kind of people documentary producers dream about, if you want entire families of career criminal scroats with the morals of a paedophilic serial killer in your fly on the wall production.
In this city you will see more flashy cars than in any other cities because there is so much drug crime, it’s almost just part of everyday life. Trust me, this place makes Detroit look nice.
Stand outside Greggs and wonder aloud as to how babies with no teeth manage to eat pasties.
Read “Bradford, the land of dreams, if you dream of takeaways & pound shops”
9. Slough
Making it’t debut in our Top 10 is the 60’s brutalist grim concrete jungle popularised by ‘The Office’. In at No.9 is Slough. A place described by one of our contributors as where “the streets are full of empty takeaway packets and empty beers cans, left by knuckle scraping ner’do’wells”. Here’s what our contributors had to say:
I have seen it slide from a town of some limited qualities to the toilet of Berkshire within the last 5 yrs.
We have shops that sell tat for a pound and loads of unhealthy eating establishments catering for “as much as you can eat” losers.
If the Earth ever requires an enema, Slough is undoubtedly where the tube will be inserted.
The houses are generally unfit for a dog to live in and therefore provide the perfect place for ***** to practice their rutting.
John Betjeman had the right idea. But not even in his wildest nightmares could he envisage the gold-plated, Currys Superstore-plagued, professional Ali G-bedevilled monster that Slough would become.
Read “Slough: The toilet of Berkshire”
8. Jaywick
Our only non-mover in our Top 10 is the infamous Jaywick, holding fast at No 8. Regularly topping the charts as England’s most deprived area, if you’ve never heard of it, it’s a shanty town built on the undercarriage of Clacton-on-sea, Essex that makes even the worst bits of Blackpool seem like paradise. A seaside sh#thole where slumlords live in the Brooklands houses that overlook the beach, while letting out ramshackle glorified sheds behind them to the poor and destitute. Here’s a quick motorised tour:
Here’s what our contributors had to say about this seaside sh*t tip:
Buried in the fine golden sands you will find beer cans, cigarette butts, condoms and spliffs.
There’s a reason why Ross Kemp visited what he dubbed as ‘Britain’s toughest seaside resort’.
Read “Jaywick: Drugs have brought this place to it’s knees”
7. Corby
Making a welcome return to our Top 10 after a decade in the wilderness, slam dunking in at No.7 is the north Northamtonshire nightmare this is Corby. Here’s what our contributors had to say about this cr@pstatic conurbation:
It’s like Grand Theft Auto here since some ***** like to drive their dirt bikes anywhere they please.
Corby is a ****’s palace, the greatest shops known to man kind: Poundland, argos, fish and chip shops and don’t forget the kebabs. Shops fit for a King.
[Corby women] are ugly, have stupid hair, and could compete for the Gobbiest Minger Award.
Welcome to Hell! That is what an unknown graffiti artist daubed in red on the walls of Corby’s bus station. He was right.
Read “Corby…the name says it all!”
6. Bolton
Climbing 22 places and gaining that coveted Top 10 position, in at No.6 is the Mancunian dingleberry known as Bolton. Described by one of our contributors as ‘the worst possible assault on the eye and mind possible in Britain’. Here’s what our contributors had to say about this place:
Yes there are much worse places in Britain… but the seemingly endless rain exacerbates greatly the feeling of sadness, generalised grubbiness and pointlessness of this place.
I’m just going to say that I have never encountered so many fat ugly dishevelled people nor persons exhibiting signs of mental illness (I’m a qualified RMN by the way of my justifying my opinion) in such concentrations as Bolton town centre
Some of the takeaways have reached the lofty heights of ONE star for hygiene.
For amusement, you could always find a convenient prossie from the infamous Shiffnall Street area, if you’re not fussy about infectious diseases.
To take a phrase from a good friend of mine, “intellectual osmosis” occurs only too often should you go outside your own house – this is the process of actually feeling more stupid than you are just by looking at those around you.
Read “Bolton: Beyond the term dreadful”
5. Peterborough
The reign of Peterborough as England’s worst place to live is over. After 3 glorious years of taking the crown, Cambridgeshire’s premier cr4p town has slipped to No.5 Here’s what our contributors had to say about this iLiveHere legend:
One thing to bear in mind, if booking a weekend getaway in Peterborough, it is customary if a stranger holds eye contact with you for more than three seconds, to shout “WHAT”??? and become extremely aggressive.
I lived in Peterborough for 15 years and all I can say is wow. what a f*****g DUMP
The atmosphere in Peterborough is draining. You feel totally isolated from the rest of the world and life in general, as though everything else is going on and you’re not part of it as you’re stuck in this dump.
Peterborough should have been destroyed during WW2 but even Hitler and Goering didn’t think it was worth bothering with.
Read “Peterborough: I’d advise buying shares in Sports Direct”
4. Liverpool
“So ferret across d’Mersey cos dis land’s da place I love”, haha not really by the voting! Losing out on a bronze medal this year, the self-pity city slips one place to No.4 Never mind Merseyside. Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart, there’s always 2023! Here’s what our contributors had to say:
Seriously, the girls here are so unbelievably orange that even the thickest of sunglasses will be rendered useless. It literally peels the retinas from your eyeballs.
Situated on the border of Northern England and Wales, it draws the very worst characteristics of both regions, i.e Welsh pig-headedness and Northern self righteousness, a truly toxic stew of humanity.
If you can get past the accent and the copious amounts of phlegm that fly around every time the locals say a word with the letters ‘c’ or ‘k’ in them you have passed the first test. Don’t ever engage in conversation with a scouser about crockery or Krakow in Poland or you will surely be drenched.
I can’t put into words just how miserable growing up in this horrid place has been. The people attempt to grind you and your individuality down because they fear people with more than single digit IQs and who dress in clothes other than the latest black track suit.
Read “Liverpool – More like Live-in-stool”
3. Luton
Clawing its way up the Top 10 to the bronze medal position is Bedfordshire’s very own **** in the punch bowl, Luton. A town that spawned such world class denizens as Tommy Robinson and Britain’s ‘most dangerous prisoner’ Charles Bronson. Here’s what our contributors had to say:
I’m not saying Luton is safe, exactly (only a couple of months ago I saw about 30 teenagers spilling out of McDonald’s smacking each other in the face, I couldn’t tell what was blood and what was ketchup)
Marsh Farm is a genuinely scary place. Never walk past the high rise flats alone at night. You might find yourself being pissed on by a couple of ‘jokas’ tryin to out-piss each other from the roof of the flats.
I still avoid the town centre which looks like something from Shaun of the Dead.
The town itself is not easy on the eye, it makes Slough comparable to the playboy tax exile haven of Monaco
One of the most shocking moments of my year stay in Luton was on Christmas day. I went with my friend in his car to pick up some relatives. Only for my friend to point out the local McDonald’s. Explaining to me that it gets busier every year.
Read “Luton: England’s Toilet”
2. Huddersfield
Always the bridesmaid, never the bride. Once again we are choked at iLiveHere towers. Our favourite tip in this spetic isle has been beaten into second place, again. Despite gaining more votes than half the towns in our Top 50, ‘The Hudd’ walks away with the silver medal. We are often accused by, well, provincial lazy journo fauxtrage hawkers, that we ‘doctor’ the votes. We don’t. This is a genuine poll and this is why our beloved Hudd is not on the top spot… C’mon good people of the Cleckhuddersfax golden triangle of grim, you must try harder next year and get back the crown! Here’s what our contributors had to say:
There’s nothing but pound shops and a few coffee shops. It’s polluted, unclean and full of idiots. It’s a horrible place to live.
Not all of Huddersfield is bad… just 70% of it.
To those considering migrating to Huddersfield, first consider the minimum qualifying requirements:
- Must have a minimum of three kids, of which at least one must be 50% genetically unrelated to the other two. (Preferably diagnosed with ADHD)
- Must have a BMI greater than 30
- Have teeth like a burnt-out fusebox
- Must agree to dump a shopping trolley and/or a mattress in your sh#t tip of a garden
Huddersfield should be avoided by all those who desire to keep their wallets, mobile phones and most of all their sense of smell
If you like your car windows, teeth, kneecaps etc. then avoid this sh#thole like you would a man with leprosy! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!
What more is there to say about a town that lists one of its top attractions as a hill?
Read “Huddersfield: Entropy in action”
1. Aylesbury
At long last we have a new winner! Nothing gladdens our hearts more at iLiveHere towers when a underdog goes viral in the voting. We would like to thank every single person who shared the poll on Facebook and urged people to vote for this town. You did it. You trounced the competition, getting 25% more votes than Huddersfield. Hats off to you all. Here’s what our contributors had to say about this boil on the backside of Buckinghamshire:
If you’re a middle to upper class family or individual looking to move to Aylesbury, then ensure you employ 4 full time security guards and a dog and some barbed wire around your house.
As you enter into Aylesbury, you find yourself in a traffic jam. Don’t worry, it’s all part of the tour. Being stuck in the traffic allows you to observe the magnificent beauty of all the ‘trashy citizens’ that live there.
[the people] are loud, obnoxious and dumb. We need to protect these species; they’re not endangered by any means, but they are a great tourist attraction to laugh and scoff at.
Imagine my delight upon reading the local rag and finding a huge, indignant article about a posting on this website. I am thrilled to find a forum for like minded people, who spend every day in a state of constant amazement at the ever increasing amoeboid masses that slither their way round this sh#t little town.
What can I say? The fact that Stanley Kubrick saw fit to film some of A Clockwork Orange here was horribly prescient.
Read “Aylesbury: Eyesore Concrete Jungle”
