It would be time to call Norris McWhirter if the right-wing nut job wasn’t pushing up daisies. Little Tommy has smashed the record for gathering the most University of Life alumni in one place at his “United the Kingdom” rally. Police crowd estimates have yet to be confirmed, but the previous record when little Tommy gathered his fellow alumni to watch his libellous film, was “easily surpassed” according to a Police spokesman.
Also in attendance was a Gary Robinson the professor emeritus from the University of Life. We asked him what he thought of this momentous event. Gary said, “it’s amazing to see so many of my stupefyingly-ignorant, racist, white nationalist graduates today”. He added, “hearing them proudly shout the University’s moto ‘Stop the boats’ brought a tear to my eye and it’s all thanks to lil tommeh and his dubious backers!”.
The professor said that he thinks the record can be beaten again if University of Life graduates get their knuckle-dragging scarily-fascist offspring currently at the School of Hard Knocks or on a Andrew Tate tertiary course to enrol next year. He said, “there’s no clearing, you don’t need any GCSEs or anyfink. Most of the learning is on GB News or online on Youtube. You can use the free WiFi in the spoons! No fees either and best of all you will be leaving real University places to rich kids, err, yeah”.
Finally we asked rally go-er Barbara (62) from Bournemouth (herself a GB News alumnus); if she considers anyone to the left of Oswald Mosley a traitor to the country and her mortal enemy, was calling the rally ‘Unite the Kingdom’ an oxymoron? Barbara said, “what you on about? give ur head a wobble. You wait until we get Starmer out, next Tuesday probably. I saw it on Tiktok. Nigel will deal with people like you”, in a nod to Britain’s fine liberal democratic values.
iLivehere approached little Tommy for comment, but he could not get to the phone for some reason.
