Lisburn is full of *****, and not the normal kind you find in most towns who just smoke and wear tracksuits and drink cider and scowl at people. No. Lisburn is full of properly insane *****. There’s something in the water in Lisburn that makes people get a little more crazy every day, and although […]
Tag: Northern Ireland
Antrim – the entire place is a sh*t heap
Antrim is the place that defies normal town planning, most places have “good areas” and “bad areas”; Antrim, on the other hand, makes no distinction between good and bad – the entire place is a sh*t heap. A neglected and run down collage of council estates, populated with the idiots that moved from Belfast and […]
Coleraine – it has it all (except an Iceland, thank god)
Coleraine must stand proud in Ch@vdom, having as it does at least 4 breeding grounds for these monosyllabic, knuckle dragging, slack-jawed, mouth breathing ********. Let me take you on a tour of our delightful paradise and let you decide for yourselves. First we have the Hollywood of *****, Ballysally. This hellhole, with views of the […]
Read More… from Coleraine – it has it all (except an Iceland, thank god)
Strabane: stunning views of shopping trolleys wedged in the river
Beware the Mourne Valley mishap of a town that is Strabane. Squeezed between the villages of Sion Mills and Ballymagorry soon to be amalgamated with euro-ville Lifford,(Lifford ironically houses Strabanes only cinema-yes it’s strabanes, apparently) the town of Strabane is a sure **** central. So you’re in Strabane, and looking for a good time. What […]
Read More… from Strabane: stunning views of shopping trolleys wedged in the river
Belfast and the fermented cough syrup that is Buckfast
As a native of Washington, Tyne and Wear, the idea of a town overrun by hoards of ********* ******** was nothing new. In fact, I was convinced that I had seen it all in the 18 years that I had lived, relatively peacefully (only two black eyes and a bruised lip), amongst the burgeoning underclass […]
Read More… from Belfast and the fermented cough syrup that is Buckfast
Bangor, the amount of wee toe-rags in cheap sportswear has ballooned
While the proliferation of ******** has been noticeable everywhere in recent years, surely no-where has had such a massive sub-population growth as Bangor. The amount of annoying wee toe-rags in cheap sportswear and **** jewellery has ballooned in recent years, a fact I believe to be linked with the opening of Lizzy Duke in the […]
Read More… from Bangor, the amount of wee toe-rags in cheap sportswear has ballooned
