I would like to welcome you to the ‘Fragrant ********’ that is Shitingbourne. Home to a population of about 80% ****, with the rest being made up of grungers/goths/old people. Quite possibly the only town with good transport links to those **** meccas of Shitness on Sea and Chavham, it has the distinction of being quite possibly the only small town to have not one, but THREE branches of McDonalds. They range from mildly respectable (Mill Way) to complete ******** (Bobbing/High St). All 3 have a large base of ***** dining there, from the infant school mini **** to the retirement home ‘spandex crew’.
The local night life, imaginatively named ‘nitelife’ or preferably ‘shitelife’, is where the 11 to 18 yr old **** finds a wealth of other ***** (about 250-500 apparently). However, the 11 to 18 yr old **** is split up into sub groups, from the educated **** (with a borden grammar school or highsted education), middle **** (fulston manor/westlands education), lower **** (sittingbourne community centre or shitingbourne crime centre either is true), neutral (those who don’t class themselves as *****) and the dreaded ******. ****** live in caravans, Quinton or Beirut (Middletune Av area for those who don’t know) they are more violent than your average ****, but much less intelligent.
They come from Sheppey mainly, but seem to be spreading more into Sittingbourne. Also, Sittingbourne is split in 2 by the main road through there. To the south, you get every single non ****, whereas in Milton Regis (technically the north) every single **** lives and breeds.
But, by far the most defining feature of chavdom in shitingbourne is the glorious (and aforementioned) Shitingbourne Crime Centre (SCC). I can’t describe this ********, but viewing is strongly recommended.
I leave you with a delightful quote:
“If Sheppey is ***** Island, Chatham is ***** City, Rainham is ***** Village, Gillingham is ***** Town, then Sittingbourne is the ******* ***** capital”.
Goodnight.
Recommended further reading:
The intrepid explorer’s guide to Sheerness on the Isle of Sheppey
