This statement kind of sums up salford. . . . .
SALFORD EARTHQUAKE APPEAL
An earthquake measuring 5.7 on the Richter scale hit Salford last Wednesday morning. The epicentre was in the Ordsall area.
Casulties were seen wandering aimlessly uttering “Bang out of order,
mental and sorted” The earthquake decimated the area causing damage to be in the excess of £17.55. Several priceless collections of
mementos from Ibiza and Corfu were damaged beyond repair. Three preserved areas of historical importance (formerly used for storage of burned out cars) were totally destroyed. Many of the Ordsall locals were woken up before their giro’s had arrived.
One resident Kylie Sharon Smith a fifteen year old mother of four said “it was such a ****** shock. I wondered what the **** it was. Little Chardonnay, Destiny and Brooklyn came runnin into my bedroom, my hands were shakin that much I could hardly skin up”.
The British Red Cross has so far managed to send 400 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to aid the crisis; unfortunately looters highjacked the wagon when it entered the area. Rescue workers are
>still searching through the rubble in the hope of revovering some of the Elizabeth Duke soveriegn rings, benefit books and Poundstretcher ornaments said to have been lost in the devastation.
WE NEED YOUR HELP
This appeal hopes to raise money for food and clothing for those unfortunate enough to be caught in the disaster. Clothing is most sought after. Urgently needed are Lacoste tracksuits, Burberry caps, Beanie hats and Reebok trainers. Food parcels are also required. They include McCain oven chips, Aldi beans, Monster Munch and Iceland pizzas. Alcohol is also in short suply, especially
White Lightening Cider, and Special Brew. Cash donations are more than welcome, 22p buys a signing on biro, £2.50 buys a jumbo sausage and chips, £20.00 buys a bent MOT and £16.00 will buy 200 Embassy Regal from the back of Tommo’s van
YOUR HELP IS MUCH APPRECIATED
