Portsmouth- I hate it! Thankfully though, I dont live in it anymore.
My worst experiences with the **** began when I moved from my beautiful home in Scotland to be with my then Girlfriend, who was from, and lived in Portsmouth. “The Plan” was to go to Pomepy Uni and do a masters and then get the hell out…it didnt work, we split and now Im in mexico…but anyway…the story.
I had been to Portsmouth before I started living there…to use the ferry to France. The only thing I remembered about Portsmouth was the white cliffs as you come in on the M27 and soemthing about Paulsgrove, peadophiles and sheets ******* up on birthdays.
I guess, the first time I knew Id arrived in my own personal hell was the first night there. My girlfriend, whom we shall Claire decided to take me out to see the sights of old Pompey…..i.e Southsea. On the way there, I think the Milton area, a drunken cahv decided to play chicken with my car. The loser was the beer he was drinking as it hit the ground after he tried to smash it aginst the car!
Then, in week 2, a visit to the football!!!! What could be better than a Div 1 at Fratton Park against Nottingham Forest as an intro to life a a Pompey fan? As it truns out, alot.
I was a bit intimidated…was it the tattoos? was it the voice which sounds like a ctastrated Londoner hoolowing? or was it just the simple sight of one man…..Jonny Portsmouth FC …god almighty that guy is some introduction to life at Fratton Park….
Next mistake was to get a job at the shell garage next to the Port entrance…Ill cut to the point…
Robbed twice, threatened 3 times, two assaults (customer on customer wrestling next to the unleaded at pump 4) and because I kep one **** queing for about 2 mins, he threatened to “take my f…….g job away!”- that was all in the first month.
Finally, Paulsgrove….what the hell is that all about??? My gf had a friend who lived there, a foul mouthed butch lesbian whos Gran looked after her and wouldnt let her out 6 days a week…thus, she was a little……crazy! SO we her less than pleasant **** neighbours…and why do have to advertise birthdays on the main road with a white sheet and balloons????
The average **** in Portsmouth has, by accident or design, the same jewellery tastes as the southampton or “scummer” ****. Big gold ***** **** that makes little mercedes look like a ***** by the time she is 11. And by the time she is about 18 she will not just look like one, but act like one!…if she avoid getting bottled on the way out the bar of course.
The old “takem to the kebab shop” is a classic pompey date…as is the “slide the fingers” on the beach.
Yes, Portsmouth was an island and I bet people are wondering why they connected it to the mainland and didnt let it just drift away…thank god Im not there anymore.
