Welcome to Nuneaton, a town that time, taste and good manners forgot.
*****: The male species are known to roam, not majestically around the litter-strewn plains, but more with a slight bob to the side and a snap up which has been cultivated through many years of thieving. This could also have something to do with the amount of gold sovereigns wedged onto their fat, fluorescent chip eating fingers. Many will reply to “Oi, you ****”, which seems to be the **** equivalent of John. Hats are naturally, worn either slightly to the side (gangsta styleeeee) or pointing towards the sky (pratt styleeeeee). Their main hobbies include ******* around Dunelm Car park checking out the young girls buying Barbie wallpaper with their parents in their Day-Glo pimp mobiles; and driving round checking out the young girls in their Day-Glo pimp mobiles.
*********: The discerning ******** will ensure that every meal is eaten at a fast food chain so she’s able to fit her ample size 16 frame into a size 10. Hairspray is a fashion must, and shop workers are known to fear for their lives if they should be unfortunate enough to run out of their own brand hair lacquer. Panda eyes and pale lipstick are de rigueur, and the local Claire’s Accessories is the place to purchase those temporary tattoos should your mother not allow you to get that gorgeous winnie the pooh permanent inking. The ********* only known hobby is trying to have a baby before the age of 14.
HANGOUTS: McDonalds, Pizza Hut Italian Restaurant, Centre Fountain, Maddis (sorry, Liquid and Envy), Wetherspoons…pretty much every pub, club, street corner, car park and park where alcopops and cider can be found; the new local mall. Very tasteful, but obviously needed the **** touch of breaking all the front windows.
NOTEABLE SCENERY: Mount Judd, a complete mountain that comprises of rubbish from the local tip. It’s known to be great fun to climb this heap of ****.
Thank you for visiting Nuneaton
