Farnborough is a small little town in the commuter belt region of Hampshire which is absolutely full of families that work in the neighbouring **** meccas of basingstoke, camberley or bracknell, plus an overspill of squaddies that must have got lost from Aldershot. One of the main reasons there is such a high ****-count in Farnborough is because there is absolutely nothing to do. Little charver **** like to congregate in the doorways to late opening newsagents and off licences like Dillons, One Stop and Alldays and love to only give you the smallest of spaces to squeeze past if you try and go in. Of course you have to keep your head down cos a millesecond of eye contact could lead to either a cry of “whatchoo lookin at?” or “buy me some **** mate innit” – your best bet is to wait until they are texting and then dive in (or just not go to any of the pikeyish shops in the first place).
Farnborough Town Centre is currently undergoing “regeneration” – which means half of it is shut and boarded up and theres about 25% of it thats new and white while the remainder is still brown, 70’s, and ******. Local **** stores include a new extended JJB (with the biggest baseball cap selection in town), Argos, Claires Accessories for the ******** -and some curious farnborough-specific Chavstores such as Jean Jean, which is basically one of those ropey knock off denim stores selling Lee Jeans off the back of a lorry and black ******** jeans liek those old “Spliffy” and “Eclipse” brands, kind of like a market stall in a shop if you get what I mean. Another favoured **** hangout in the Town Centre is Woolworths where younger ***** like to steal pick n mix and all the ******** 16 yr old mothers like to show their kids a bunch of toys and then shout that they cant have them and generally causing a scene (do ***** not feel any embarrassment? why are they always shouting at each other, and why do they seem to revel in all the people watching them as they scream “Kylie!” at the tops of their ****** mockney voices?) Farnborough Town Centre is also trying to deal with the threat of Camberley, guildford, Reading and Basingstoke shopping centres having more shops than them by filling the remaining shop units with either pikeyish pound stores for the larger, older, rounder *****, and mobile phone shops like Orange, O2, and the Carphone Warehouse to keep up with the high demand for ***** trading in the phones they’ve nicked off people the night before so they can aspire to the latest “bling” nokia, or perhaps head back to the elizabeth duke section of Argos to get that new Sovereign or what looks like a large thick rope plated in cheap gold paint.
When they reach 17, the older brothers of the little ***** chavsters that fill up the town centre like to take their 1st cars that their parents have paid for (if their spoilt its modded, but normally its a fiesta popular 1.1 with a hole in the exhaust) and all park at Farnborough Gate – which is a “retail park” which is in reality a large car park with a Currys, Comet, Halfords, a couple of carpet or curtain warehouses, and of course the **** homing beacon – the golden arches of a drive thru “maccy d’s” innit. Here they like to buy a small shake cos they only have 79p in their adidas trackies and generally sit on their cars, glare at the people that come to actually eat some food and try and do lame handbrake turns or “donuts” around the car park and generally pull out in front of people around the main roundabout where you drive in and out. Because they had been overrunning the entire car park the powers that be decided to put big gates in to keep the ***** close to McDonalds, but concentrating them arundthe entrance just makes it a much less inviting place to go – I always suggest you park as far away from the ***** **** as possible or you may come back to a key scratched car, run in, get your food, and get it home to eat – no need to sit amongst the ****, and if you use the drive through you’ll have to somehow master getting your food and driving off without looking at any of the ******** who are deliberately getting in your way. (on that side of things – what is about the ***** and walkign out in front of cars – especially the little ***** that walk out in front of you and then go really slowly – the only good that can come of this is if i get one of the smaller ones to **** themselves by speeding up, or if my brother is in the car as he likes to shout things like “hey its the blazing squad” at little groups of chavsters.)
So in conclusion I hope I’ve put you off coming to the horrible little shanty town that is Farnborough – to be honest I’m surprised it wasnt on here already.
