Better known as “Chavham”, the correct **** pronounciation of this Kentish town is “Chaa-aam” as the local **** redidents are unable to sound the “h” and “t” sounds. The highstreet features many “quality” stalls on which the ***** and ********* can purchase all their “bling” and “gear”. The town also boasts a Primark, QS, Half Price Jewellers, Bowling alley and bus station, all essential **** haunts. The standard number of earrings worn in each ear by any self respected ******** is 3, whilst the number of mock gold chains round their neck is almost always double this. Each finger must have at least one ring on it, with sovreigns being the pinnacle of **** fashion. Burberry, Nickelson, Adidas and Nike are the favoured clothing labels to be ripped off by market traders, and their produce is always eagily snapped up by **** mothers. Greetings and terms of endearment used by residents of this town include the traditional “mush” (a local dialect version of the ***** word for boy, which has been used in the town for decades), “blood”, “bruv” (not necessarily used to refer to one’s brother), and of corse, for the ladies – “bi-atch”, “caaaaw” or “shlaaaggg”. The classic Ford Fiesta (dirty white being the preferred colour) is the car favoured by all ***** who can drive (due to the level of intellect which is necessary for this task, liscenced drivers are hard to come by, thus the cars are usually packed to capacity; if only two ***** are seen in a car, chances are they have just stolen [or “chored”] it).

chatham was named and shamed in the daily mail as the land where all pikeyscum originaited. its like a walking talking sexually transmitted disease here. Chatham is the chavland its self, you cant walk three steps outside your front council estate door without seeing at least four, all sporting “****” a bottle of white lighting and screaming” yeah mate init”. Also they normally carry around such objects as a coat hanger or a hair pin, in order to try and break into the nearest white ford escort, but to no avail. I being a ” dirty f@#king grunger or saten worshoper” as they are all so fond of calling me, cant walk down the **** ******** highstreet without being ” accidnetly” knocked out by the 7 huge primark bags they r carrying, and the 3 poundland bags of stolen **** they are sporting.
*****- the species
there are many different types of *****, well infact two. male and female. not much difference actually, except it takes the males 1 and a half bottles of white lighting to be ******* off the bridge at luton. not one.
Male ***** tend to walk around wite their reebok waist bands around their butts, hand down trousers, wite one nike stud in the left ear, a few rings, 11 to be precise and a nice big chain. they tend to have a line shaved thru their eyebrow and wear their red football socks tucked into their white reebok classics. female ***** are normally spotted walking down chatham highstreet yelling ” morgan mecades get ya ******* *** back ere nah” whilst pushing a blue and green checked graco pram they purchased up toys r us for £60, the pram usually has a baby covered in lace or a nike tracksuit depening on the gender sitting init sourrounded by primark and wilikinson bags. the current trend is cocoa chanel earings, a cross on a chain along with their full name splattered across their chest. they wear approximatly 20 rings. 2 on each finger. the classier ***** only wear 19.
***** normally flock in groups of around 15, this way 7 of them can keep watch outside primark and cause a distraction whilst the other eight go in and steal 20 trendy clothes, including a pro active hoodie and an essientials top, totalling up to £30 for all stolen goods. they then take in it turns to go up to houses on the tram ways estate knocking on doors and trying to flog their goods for about £2 in order to by their hourly packet of 20 richmonds. usually if you catch a **** in a good mood they wont spit at you.
if you walk by the river you can play spot the two ****** who just met in the pentagon shagging in the bush. its a good game. dont get me wrong, not all ***** are *****, some of them wait at least 3 hours of knowing someone before dropping their underwear
chatham is a lovley place. please come visit.

welcome to the wonderful “classy” town of chatham. the glorious home of the chatham ****. the clean and delightful place is full of such wonderfull ASSHOLES. 🙂 there such luvly people. shouting out ***** or ****** at each other and alwayz replying to the mating call off “omg im soo drunk” which consequents in the increase of teenage pregnancies in England. but us normal people who try and get along with out average day to day lives are not liked by the “hardcrew” so they hav to tell us. by shoutin (which sounds more like strangled cats) SWEATIES! n we reply no thanks i showerd this morning and u dont see me runnin about. unlike u ****** in ur fake von dutch tops n tight morgan trousers with ur many rolls of fat fallin out and then to complete ur elegance u have your execelent n absurdly expensive(seein as its a piece of ****) the trademark GOLD jewellery.the inch thick gold chains with the classy chanel earrings and the odd ragdoll or 4. which can be a struggle to wearin seein as it weighs half there own body weight.(and there not tiny angels so thats a hell of a lot of jewellery. skools not kool for them unless your ******** the history teacher(which becomes legal in september but only if your over 16) well that concludes my definition of the brilliant place that is my home town. “l8rz”

Chatham is in Southern Kent, and is surrounded by:
Rochester
Maidstone
Strood
and Walderslade

Undoubtedly a town saturated in *****. Everywhere you go, you see **** guys smoking at each other or starting a fight with the hot dog man; he’s only trying to earn a living.
Either that or you’re busy trying to work your way around the numerous prams, pushed by ********* (or just plain *****) otherwise you’ll end up with a squashed foot. Oh no.

Fortunately, the town hasn’t exploded yet from the sheer **** population. Bluewater attracts many a **** at weekends, which saves us from tidal waves of pure ****.
Chatham has seen worse times than this of course, but frankly it still sucks.