Welcome to Penge! Oh? All you see is a festering pile of sewage? Well what did you think it’d be? A decent settlement with actual humans? HA! If you’ve just arrived on the Overground, board back on the train. Seriously. Everyone freaks out about Area 51, they should be talking about SE20. Don’t say I […]
Read More… from Oh Penge, May Your Pavements Be the Site of a Tectonic Subduction!
It would be time to call Norris McWhirter if the right-wing nut job wasn’t pushing up daisies. Little Tommy has smashed the record for gathering the most University of Life alumni in one place at his “United the Kingdom” rally. Police crowd estimates have yet to be confirmed, but the previous record when little Tommy […]
Read More… from Tommy Robinson breaks record for most University of Life alumni in one place
Polo is this town’s main entertainment. Too bad it occurs only a few months a year. You get to see Gauchos being brayed at by chinless wonders smashed on Veuve Clicquot (they sponsored the local mallet-&-Horse extravaganza for a few years). I heard Katie Price attended once. She could’ve bustled in to the local tapas […]
Read More… from Midhurst: Come for the Chukkas. Stay for the Gizzard-rolling
Someone has to say it. Britain and Carlisle are falling. Problems abound in every possible direction. Towns and cities around the country looking more and more like a slipped on dog log. At this point, does it really matter whether you support red or blue? Hasn’t the circus show in America taught us anything? Whether […]
Read More… from Carlisle: A place ablaze with trauma and lost souls
Do you hold progressive political views? Don’t want to find yourself in a town where a lot of the residents get upset by pronouns? A constituency where they still shout ‘We want our country back!’, despite getting their precious Brexit and really mean they want their 1960’s white monoculture fantasy? A place where they are […]
Read More… from 25 towns to avoid where Reform rocked the polls
If Hot Fuzz was real, Cleobury Mortimer would be it! Where do I start with this strange little town. It’s basically a village on one main road but if the strange locals hear you say that, they’ll come for you with pitchforks and garlic. There’s more cars than people, the high street constantly smells of […]
Ferryhill, a once thriving mining village had (at some point in its history) the longest recorded railway platform in the world! Sadly these days the trains speed up as they pass through… presumably commuters experience something akin to Jurassic Park as they pass by. Only with wasted yokels taking the place of velociraptors. Those few […]
Read More… from Ferryhill: The trains speed up as they pass through
Tongue, what a place. Tongue is set in one of the most picturesque settings in the UK, lovely beaches, small mountains, what could be better. However the problem is the Ins. There are two types of Ins in Tongue the breds and the comers. The breds seem to think they own the place, and resent […]
Read More… from Tongue: Top of Scotland, Bottom of the World
I grew up in Hoddesdon and as a child and teenager it was alright. Close to woodland and countryside, some reasonable pubs, safe town. I moved away for a few years before returning in 2007 and initially was pleased to be returning to the town of my youth. The novelty quickly wore off. It took […]
Ashington used to be a very depressing place. At one time the narrow footpaths between the back to back mining rows were full of dog cr@p and litter, not to mention the permanent smell of urine from drunks who staggered home from the many working men’s clubs that plagued the town. Plucking Banjos When the […]
Read More… from A Depressing Lifetime in Ashington, Northumberland
It has been said that the distant thud of a solitary Royton woman approaching could loosen one’s fillings from over five miles away. Raised on a diet of piping-hot Greggs steak bakes and deep-fried crunchy coated poultry, your typical Royton lass is a sight to be held. Morbidly obese, tattoo-covered, and with teeth like a […]
Legend has it the little village of Dyserth was built on Moel Hiraddug, not because of the quarry that is situated at the top of the tiny mountain, but because they could slope the pavements enough so that the limping from generations of genepool-shallowing would not show. This village runs the gauntlet for the most […]
