What can be said about Harlow that hasn’t already been said before? Well did you know that Harlow has the highest % of teenage pregnancies in England, therefore in Europe. Hardly surprising given that there’s nothing else for the young ****’s and ********* to do except sniff glue and shag. When I first arrived at […]
Category: Essex
The worst places to live in Essex
Saffron Walden, Essex
By day, this picturesque market town is a tranquil place, dominated by the affluent shoppers from the town and surrounding area. By night, the town is a **** heaven, bringing out its true Essex charm! Many of the town’s ***** have never left the town, and simply copy the styles seen on Trisha and read […]
South Woodham Ferrers
Although Essex has to be the **** capital of the universe, most of the focus has remained on some of the larger **** hotspots; Basildon, Wickford and Canvey Island for example… (admittedly there are quite a few)… Anyways, it is clear that the ***** who cannot afford to live in such superior **** Council Estates […]
Harlow
On speaking of the brassy actress Jean Harlow, Margot Asquith said: “The ‘T’ is silent, as in ‘Harlow’”. Just about says it all for a town whose only contribution to satire is to name one of its shittiest pubs…wait for it…hold those ribs…get ready with the defibrillator paddles…the Jean Harlow….with a silent T. Where are […]
Goodmayes (The filthpot of Ilford)
Since Ilford and Romford are now overflowing with shops for the native **** to purchase their cheap gold from, it’s no suprise to find them flocking in their multitudes and living in (rather ******) houses in Goodmayes. Mayfair Comprehensive Haiku Purple green clothed Beast, Burberry cap with kebab , Slurried ghetto speech . Anyone who […]
Chelmsford
On the surface, Chelmsford looks like any large market town. In someways, it is even better bearing in mind it’s proximity to London. It doesn’t for example have the oppressive stench of Reading, nor the endless sense of impending violence of Woking, but nonetheless, it is a breeding ground for social ******. Basically it’s for […]
Witham
This town fell into **** hands around the summer of 2003 and as of yet the shroud of Burberry darkness is yet to lift from the few remaining groups of civilised youths. Popular spots for the 1 carat gold wearing goons include outside local newsagents particularly the “Alldays” chain (2 are located in this town) […]
Canvey Island, a great place to take your kids… if you hate them
I can’t believe Basildon and Southend have gotten such lengthy mentions yet the worst place of them all, Canvey Island, has slipped through unnoticed. The only redeeming features of Canvey are; It’s an island, therefore we know if the ***** get too rowdy we can just cut them off from civilised society by taking out […]
Read More… from Canvey Island, a great place to take your kids… if you hate them
Southend on Sea – ****** Pearl of the Estuary
Come to Southend on Sea, like St Tropez but with a Chicago Rock Cafe AND a Yate’s Wine Lodge!!! VISIT the exciting High Street boasting everything from JD Sports to JJB Sports to Mister Byrite! Or, if you want to blow your budget, why not visit our “posh end” where you’ll find Burtons. MARVEL at […]
Read More… from Southend on Sea – ****** Pearl of the Estuary
Frinton On Sea
Frinton On Sea Quiet and peaceful were once words used to describe this small seaside resort which was proud of its victorian values. I remember a time when the buses were not allowed in the town (conveniently sealed off by a railway line), there was no pub and the opening of a chippy made front […]
Waltham Abbey, Essex aka “d-abbey”
Having grown up in **** central, (r-low), it was very nice to move to “d-abbey”. there wasn’t a **** for miles. that all come to a blinging end about 12/18 months ago when chavlings started loitering at “the square” the local shops in hillhouse as they affectionately call it. the first thing that is blindingly […]
Romford
Romford isn’t really a **** Town ( yet ) , obviously we DO have our fair share of local examples of the species , welded to a 50cc scooter like some latter day Mod , but looking about 1000% less hard and well dressed , or ( per the Female of the species ) sporting […]
