Well what can I say about Bedford. An isolated backwards **** hole of *******, who are all born “live” and die in the same place. Occasionally venturing to Milton Keynes if they havent blown all their benefits in one of the many market stalls this fair town offers.
I dont know what is more frustrating about *****, if they think what they are wearing is good, or just the fact that they clearly have no self respect.
Shopping in Bedford is an interesting experience, with the biggest new look I have ever seen, next door to Peacocks, and numerous fast food outlets, thankfully causing early death to many of the **** who regularly frequent the establishments. I personally would like to thank McDonalds, for creating an environment suitable to lure in all the *****, and feed then what can only be described as poison, until they die/ get ill and claim more benefits.
In Bedford there is one place which ***** prefer to generally stand around and do nothing in, it is called ‘Aspects’ and features, a closed down McClusky’s (yet even the ***** were too cheap to keep the place open) a tenpin bowling alley, usually used for shelter rather than actually particpating in the game, a cinema, one of the old ones, 3 screens, no surround sound, and seats which give you a 98% chance of going home with Scabies. When the ***** get hungry, there is always “Fatty Arbuckles” large glass front window for them to press their spotty noses against, and watch the “dead posh” people eating what is loosely described as food.
If all this is not enough to keep the ***** busy, they get in their off road chavmobile and slowly race around the large unused carpark for a while, before heading into the town centre, for a night “on the town”or to generally “cruise”. The only good thing to come of the recent increase in petrol prices is the ***** reduced preference to “cruise” around trying to pull ****** ****-ettes.
I feel it would be wrong not to mention the car parks. If you find somewhere to park your car which you feel leaves you a good chance of keeping at least 3 of your wheels, you must then avoid the cruising *****, and make your way out of the carpark, through the stair well/ lift. This is always a tricky decision. On one hand the lift is not home to the majority of Bedford, unlike the stairwells, but the size of the lift means that by the time Shazza, and her 8 small snotty children, her current boyfriend, and their **** are in the lift, you are left no chioce but to make physical contact with at least one member of the ‘family’, and inevitably be on a course of antibiotics for the next week. It is advisable to try not to breath while in the lift, although due to the fact they have not been updated since 1974, you may pass out before the lift reaches ground floor.The other option is the stair wells, I always feel I am walking into someones private home when doing this, and they tend to stare as if to say “what the **** are you doing here without your uniform fake burberry hat, scarf and jacket!”. The smell is overwhelmingly like a toilet which hasnt been flushed in 20 years, thats because it is. It is advisable not to touch the rails, walls and if possible the floor if you wish to avoid cholera.
If you have not died of some disease by the time you have stepped outside the car park, the shocking array of poundlands, superdrug and other charity bins will certainly make you question why you have risked your health to be here.
Speaking in public is not advised as any accent which doesnt make you sound like you are ripping your throat to shreds is so overwhelming that a **** cannot focus on the content anyway. and you are likely to be mugged as you have been identified as “dead posh” and not part of the collective.
What more can be said apart from, Bedford is a breeding pit for ****, to the extent that **** is the norm. However in its defence it is not responsible for the nationwide outbreak of this condition, as Bedford ****, do not appear to understand the concept of a larger world outside of this **** hole town. Thankfully they are contained.
