Testing, testing, ‘ello ladies and gentleman, welcome to Ashford, we are currently goin’ through the highstreet, I apologise for the mass of peugeot 205’s congesting ‘da area, but if you look to the right, you will see the maginificent kwik-save, everyfink’ in the shop is at the lowest value possible, and that’s not only the prices, you can buy your weekly shopping for under a tenner, yes ladies n gentlemen, you ‘eard me, a tenner, so a stop will be made there after the tour for you eager ****’s to rush in, please stomp your **** out on the doormat, as unfortunatly smoking aint’ permitted inside the store, the car-park of kwik-save is uniquely decorated with over 20 rat and fly ridden wheely bins, and if you turn to your left, you will see a group of well ‘ard ***** beating the **** out of those Marilyn Manson wannabee’s, clap your ‘ands for that dedicated **** who just battered ‘dat goffick boi.
Right naw, we are passing ANUPAM, right ladies ‘n’ gentleman, this is just the spot for buying ya bling-bling, ‘dey ‘av everyfink’, from sovereigns, to dollar chains, it is ‘da ultimate spot for **** jewels.
So get your *** down der, if you know what I mean.
Now if ya crane your hoody wearin’ ‘eads round, you’ll see woolworths, naw my lovlies, it’s a bit expensive in der for us *****, so prepare to be given a few dirty looks, from ‘dem higher class peoples.
If you need some new clobber for party or sumink, madhatters is the place to go, it’s like proper cheap, and the clothes are like 100% **** stylee, and they do baby clothes aswell, so don’t you young bling wearin’ muvva’s be worrying, you ‘av all the clobber you’ll be needing right ‘ere.
Well, ladies and gentlemen, you may now take a look around, make sure you all take a burberry cap from the bins at the back for your own personal safety, the only way to get some respect around ‘ere is to dress like the **** themselve, unless you wanna get knocked up like that goffick kid we saw earlier do you.
So put on your caps, and be sure to walk down to woodlands park area, coz that’s like the main hangout spot for *****, and you won’t get caught breaking benches, or graffin’ on the climbing frame, and other recommended area’s are kwik-save, and the lovely ANUPAM.
‘Av a nice day and don’t go messing with ‘da townies if you know what I mean.

Original Submission by Snookems

I would like to nominate Ashford in kent as **** central.I have lived their
in the past and think possibly 90% of people their follow the ****
culture.Best spotting points are the ring road around the town,(featured on
ITV news when young ***** said they wouldn’t stop racing round it and if
someone ends up on their bonnet they dont care).Mcdonalds is also a sure
**** watch experience.**** cars can easily be spotted because most display a
windscreen stip reading “www.ringroadracers.com”
At Mcdonalds young ***** and ********* try to hitchhike a lift off the more
mobile ***** to the nightclub accross the motorway M20.The owners of
probably the chaviest nightclub in the uk have thought of a brilliant name
that really stands out they called it M20.
****’s clothing needs have been well catered for with the opening of the
massive Mcarthur Glen outlet centre.It is supposed to be a designer clothing
outlet but truthfully is just a collection of sportswear shops.A complete
****’s wardrobe can be purchased under one roof.
I worked for possibly the chaviest company in the uk,Called Coty UK(better
known now as Rimmel London the make up company).****’s who feel like a bit
more money in their pocket than dole pays can easily find brain dead work
here.They can also have plenty of playtime with 5 weeks holiday and an
average company sick time of 8 weeks a person in 2001.Most employees are
related and it was not uncommon for couples to do a complete partner swap
but still work under same roof as if nothing ever happened.
**** housing consists of a council estate called Stanhope.It has a road that
completely rings it which is ideal for young ***** to practice their racing
skills before they move to the town centre.The various sized houses sit in
the middle of this circular road and have tower blocks of flats blocking
them from the ring road.Infact the design looks like they may have been
trying to contain the ***** with this design as it looks very similar to a
fortress.
Places of intrest arent very plentiful in ashford.Victoria park in the
centre of ashford could be quite bueatiful but unfortunatly has been taken
over by ***** and kosivans who exchange their various drug and drink
cocktails until it breaks out into a fight over who will bed the underage
********* anxiously waiting by the fountain.
Chaviest bloke I meet was a real loser he was 24 with 3 kids from two 16
year old girls.He drove a diesel peugeot 405 sprayed swimming pool blue
with “It’s Rude to Stare” in letters 2 feet high stretching the length of
the car.He also held the record for being absent at work with one year
having an amazing 4 months off at various stages in the year.To fund his
**** mobile he had to work nights a Pizza delivery firm which paid him
enough to put diesel in for the endless runs round the ring road.Although he
had 4 months off at his day job he actually never missed a night at the
pizza place due to him being scared of his boss.
Chaviest girl I met got married to a local big time ****.To her Burberry was
king and she took great pleasure in telling everyone how her brother was
doing time on the Isle of sheppy for refugee kicking.The chaviest thing she
did was fly to florida to stock up on sports gear and find a pair of Reebok
Classics in her size.Although florida prices are cheaper when you take into
account travel a trip to the Mcarthur Glen **** centre would have been more
sensible.She also had a shock with Reebok prices as they were actually more
as the product is made in the UK and shipped to the States.She also had a
burberry jacket something that must be quite rare.Her motto “buy now pay
never just borrow more to pay off what you owe”
Ashford is also home to possibly the biggest **** supporter in the UK.He is
a Turkish man who owns the Perfect Pizza shop in the town.This Pizza outlet
is more like a bank and lends more money than the towns Natwest branch.At
Perfect Pizza young ***** can come and take an advance on wages to buy a
razzed up **** mobile.They then use this vehicle to deliver pizzas for him
for nothing.It soons becomes a vicious circle because the car blows up
before the debt is repaid therefore making them borrow more to get mobile to
repay the rest of the debt.Perfect Pizza has also branced out into property
letting with the Turkish owner purchasing affordable housing in the 10% of
ashford that isnt under **** control.********* can work in the pizza shop
making pizzas to help pay for some of their rent.This is also a good way of
socalising with the **** racing delivery drivers.Tax payer then funds the
whole rent as all work is done strictly cash in hand.