North Town- The ******** where all minor & wannabe ***** are recognised!
Fiddy Kent writes “This is a brief introduction to the Chavness of Aldershot, including descriptions on the local species of ****, so you can spot and therefore attempt to avoid them…
The absolute epitome of Chavisity is Aldershot. Known for the British Army being based here, the Aldershot-tonnian ***** can appear everywhere in Hampshire. Even Guildford isn’t safe! You shall notice that the majority of ***** will be involved in such things like gangs but trying to be football hooligans involved in ‘Firms’ and fight with rival schools and meet up in huge numbers to scrap armed with bats, planks and sometimes knifes! These North Town **** give all Chavsters a bad reputation and for awhile they are in the minority compared with the rest of (normal) Aldershot society, they make up for it in their loud shouting, drinking cheap beer, wearing cheap and fake brands.
The randomness of the famous Aldershot school violence became apparent to me one day as I walked through Manor Park with 7 of my close mates. They all headed the opposite direction after a long night out up at Top Park and I began my walk through North Town down Redan Hill by myself. As I was walking down North Lane (an area high in North Town **** density, low in employment), and 4 *****’S of about fourteen, fifteen and eighteen passed me in the street. Admittedly I did glance at them, heaven forbid, in order to make out whether they were wearing fake Henry Lloyd, Burberry and one in particular wearing a fake Adidas tracksuit which only had ‘2 STRIPES’. Staring at me gormlessly, the school drop out shouted “Yer ****** Connaught ***, I’ll ****** ‘av you” (which was highly original I thought). Not knowing whether this was a threat or a proposition, I continued towards my destination with the ****** hot on my tail. A couple of minutes later they were gone, most likely distracted by something shiny, such as a used syringe or even a ten pence coin.
School warfare is a huge factor of Chavsters in Aldershot. Many of them like to pretend to be off Football Factory and go out with their mates, get pissed, attempt to get laid, start a fight with a local rival school in the area down the phone, organise it and then meet up in a huge group armed with sticks, stones, planks, baseball bats and like the North Town ladies just there handbags or syringes. All the schools in this area; All Hallows, Ash Manor, Connaught, Wavell and Heath End all seem to be involved in this and apparently I’m told from certain older boys that it has been a problem for many years. No matter how much you try to avoid it, you just can’t as I found one day when I tried avoiding a clash between mates from my school and a rival school I walked home early but unfortunately for me I got myself into a bit of trouble and found myself being jumped by 3 pupils from the Wavell School, which at the time was a piss-take for me but now when I look back on it I can laugh and think ‘COWARDS!’.
The pack-like mentality of Aldershotl ***** is so well spread, that every street corner in Aldershot has its own **** clan or just in ‘Football Hooligan Firms’ with their school name in front, more often than not interbred, due to the lack of paternal knowledge. However, they are ruthless in their aspirations to find one another, seemingly gravitating towards one another, the ********* and the Chavsters meeting and mating to produce offspring, undoubtedly as a ticket to a life free of employment, funded by the state. This seems to be biological. I wonder if there is a **** gene? And if so, if a foetus is known to have it, should it be grounds for abortion? But Chavsters are great, but there is just one problem with it in Aldershot and that is that the North Town ****’s are making all the other Chavsters look bad. Which isn’t ironic. The stupid thing about it all is that they will attend Aldershot Town FC games to as they say ‘Cheer On Aldershot’ when they spend all the match kicking the bars in, swearing and taunting rival fans, throwing stuff at rival fans wearing everything Chavy expect an Aldershot Town FC Top which most fans appear to be wearing. True fans? Well if you wrote that on a piece of paper I’d whipe my **** with it!
The Aldershot **** can be recognised in a number of ways:
1) The males will most certainly be wearing some form of tracksuit, probably LaCoste, with a not-so-matching pair of Rockport boots, the may even be caught wearing Burberry which most ****’s would seem to be recognised as wearing. The females usually delight in sporting the latest in Sunbed fashion (“A pound for forty five minutes? Omigod I’ll ‘ave to ‘av a go on tha’ one!”), along with something revealing, such as a social security form tucked into their miniskirt.
2) A male with his hand down his trousers standing in public searching for his penis is a dead giveaway, as is a cap which features Burberry in any shape or form.
3) The females often sport a post-coital bump, usually uncovered, with a *** in one hand and their favourite bottle of peroxide in the other (well how else do you explain year round bleach blond hair, with no sign of roots?)
4) ****** (the ‘WANNABE *****’ who simply cannot afford to buy the clothes) are usually recognised on the streets between 9am and 11pm weekdays, often riding a bicycle, which has usually been stolen. Their sole purpose is to follow in the footsteps of their mothers, the fathers not usually known. (Mostly found around North Town *Denmark Square*) You will find a lot of 8-year olds smoking around here, little ladies with teeth missing sticking a syringe into her arm, although it has already been used and the local social services spending all day down in this little ******** they call home. Wearing fake Burberry, Henry Lloyd and Adidas is a huge thing around these parts and they find it amusing to arrange fights with local school children when the majority of these North Town boys are out of school and should be trying to get a job. They also like to sit in the streets and listen to Black Music (Although they are all WHITE) and give each other stupid nicknames such as “Tank” & “Dan Ze Man” which seems pretty obscure to an average Aldershot-tonnian like myself.
This is just a brief introduction to Chavness in Aldershot!
