Where to begin? A poor rundown former hive of industry which through no fault of its own is now a shuffling wreck of a place. BUT…remember folks that **** does not = poor, **** = *******. The place is teeming with spotty drugged-up teenagers whose idea of a good time is a litre of White Lightning up the multi-storey or snorting UHU round the back of the Snooker Club. Where are their parents? Down the pub, that`s where. And there`s plenty of them to choose from. Don’t expect a log fire and chicken in a basket though. Cheap beer in abundance with warm Pepsi for the alcoholics (ice is for poofs) and the chance to get your leg over with a local lovely for the price of a kebab. Women drink halves cos they’re ladies, but they drink twice as many to keep up with the lads.
Shopping opportunities are plentiful with the usual array of Gucci and Armani outlets. Only joking! It’s Poundland and Greggs all the way with a tattoo parlour round the corner and two bookies. Just what the poverty-stricken need. Two f*****g betting shops! Thursday is market day with lots of stalls to choose from. The veg stall, the cheap card stall, the out-of-date Cadbury’s chocolate and mis-shapes stall and, er, that’s about it. We do however have three opticians – which is a bit posh, I’ll grant you – and a travel agency, but the only holiday deals you’ll see in the window involve flights to Magaluf and Tenerife. Sri Lanka are just words on the side of a Kwik Save packet of tea bags. Want to dine out? We have about a dozen high quality eating experiences, but you’d better like kebabs and fried rice and these can be enjoyed al fresco. Don’t worry about careful disposal of your litter. Just throw it down and the nice council will pick it up three weeks later.
A few tips for the locals…1) Ladies – remember that Peacocks does not just sell ski pants. Bear in mind too that the bigger the belly the tighter the t-shirt is not good fashion sense. 2) Girls – if he loved you he wouldn’t ask you to. A bottle of cider and ten Bensons does not constitute a token of love. A baby is not an accessory. They are very hard work until they reach 5 years of age when can be sent out to play until midnight. 3) Boys – want to get into her knickers? Then buy a ****** **** up old Corsa and use your giro money to buy lots of things to stick on it which will make it look like a sports car when it gets dark. Glue some blue lights on the underside and get yourself down the carpark where the local lasses will do anything for a ride what with the bus being so expensive. Don’t worry about insurance. That’s for stupid people. 4) Gentlemen – if you can’t afford it go without. Stealing is wrong. On the other hand you’ll be 20 stone and dead from liver failure by the time you’re forty so live a little.
Abertillery is a complete sh*thole! Full of bullies and cowards with IQs that don’t even match their shoe size. Supposedly poor-yet they can afford lots of cars, endlessly popping out children they fawn over in public and neglect in private, dangerous dogs they have no idea how to control, chain smoke, and drink like fish! They all seem to be related to one another! It is like that ****** episode from the X Files here! They go out of their way to make ‘outsiders’, who have the misfortune to move here, feel as unwelcome as possible. And they do their best to drive them out of their homes! So much for the myth that the Welsh are a friendly people! Anyone thinking of moving here DON’T! Wales for the Welsh- they are the only ones who deserve to live in this DIRTY DUMP that pretends to be a country and deserve that distinction! ANYWHERE in England is preferable, because at least it’s not Welsh!
