Think of 1950s East Berlin crossed with North Korea.
It needs painting badly.
It’s busy for a few weeks each year when the hotels actually have visitors.
For the rest of the year, it’s a desolate landscape populated by alcoholics, drug addicts and brain dead no hopers who count paper clips in banks for tax evaders or pretend they are important politicians.
The principal economic activity is selling over priced coffee to lazy people who can’t work a Kettle.
In winter, it rains heavily.
In summer it rains heavily.
You have to pay to go to the toilet.
There’s a top secret Foodbank which is never mentioned because it’s bad publicity.
The use of the phrase ‘fuel poverty’ is forbidden by law.
A popular recreational pastime apart from getting off your head is to play hopscotch in a vain effort to avoid all the dog mess on the pavements.
There are overpriced coffee shops every 20 yards and at least 14,000 charity shops.
The Ferry Terminal is styled after Marineville in Stingray.
Sometimes when the weather is nice, a ferry runs.
People have to sell their children to afford the fares.
When they’re sick, people try to avoid going to the Hospital which is run by a Farmer.
Weekend entertainment revolves around projectile vomiting competitions and being arrested.
If you dare criticise anything, you are informed ‘if you don’t like it, there’s a boat in the morning’
Occasionally there is.
