Bridport the historic tw@t town (it really says it on the sign on the way in) a town that has a bigger cover up rate than area 51. So maybe it says it’s a historic market town and the people are welcoming like a certain tv series on cbs reality called underbelly bridport has a underbelly a real dark one crime rate is higher than glasgow. and the famous curse of the ch@v is alive and kicking here.
You’ll need a **** translator, as all you hear is “bruv bruv innit mush like bruv u wat fam wat u chattin mush”. We have three types of ****, first the common or garden ****, a pain in the *** for society for over a decade and start on you for no reason ‘cuz der bored bruv’. The turf for these little s**ts, is the bus station, skilling and Dr Roberts Close aka druggy boulevard. Then you have the bit more money chino *****, who wear yankees flat peaks, jumpers that were knitted by their nans, smoke skunk and think they are better than you. The last **** is the agrichav or farmer ***** who turf up the countryside and are loved by the Dorset Wildlife Trust and environment agency for greenlaning, dumping cow s**t into streams and burning tyres and bragg on about who has the best tractor oooooo arrrrrrr.
Next is the night life, come visit the world famous no.10, where you can get the friday night special of punch and a pint with the ***** starting on you with their 14 year old girl friend, swimming in the the vomit because half a pint is too much. Next we move over to H block, the famous drug den of this cesspool where fine herbs and hallucinogenics can be purchased with your hard earned job seekers or income support.
If you are looking to purchase clothing you’ll need the internet as all there is, are charity shops which you can get a saville row suit that someone died in or peacocks as a last resort. Cuisine is expensive and undercooked so bring a packed lunch if you are desperate. The town has nothing, businesses are closing down due to extortionate council rates. Venture 1 mile out of the town and you have the grotty sleazy wannbe skegness west bay, where the potent smell of chips & burgers from various food sheds (kiosks) that sell food you could get from iceland and the northern exposure appear in the summer months to park dean which is normally flooded and the owner [allegedly] needs to see a therapist.
Then you have jenson button wannabes in there crappy little 1.0l saxos thinking they are in fast and the furious, doing donuts on a mini roundabout and race in a car park that closes at 10 so they piss of to the the nearest business park and have nothing better to do than to raise insurance prices. Crime is rife, stabbings, *****, suicides, my mate was beaten up for no reason, dropping off some stuff to a mates house and the police do nothing as everything to them is a civil matter, or they can’t be bother to do the paperwork.
However they can scoff kebabs and arrest the wrong people. Like the mazda gt advert there is no alive in this town. I cannot wait to leave this hellhole and hope our estate agent gets us out far out of here and feel sorry for the people that move in.
