Medway, situated between London and Canterbury, is possibly one of the worst ******** areas of ***** i have ever seen. Sunderland was pretty bad, London isn’t that much better but for dizzying heights of fake gold and burberry then Medway is hard to ****. It’s full of mindless sheep, grazing off society’s hard earned taxes. The dress of choice is usually a series of thin hoodies that convienantly cover the face of the wearer and a baseball cap pulled low over the face.
The male shaves his head at the sides very short while the top of the head has hair that is only slightly longer and gelled into spikes that tend to droop towards the end of the day. Occasionally if the male in question is feeling particulary frivilousthen he will shave stripes or lightning into the sides of his hair. Why he does this is unknown, one can only assume that they’re “go faster” stripes as to most normal people they look fairly ridiculous.
The female of the species will dress similar to the male except that they will often wear hooped earings that a dolphin could jump through and enough fake gold to make Mr. T look understated.
At this point many will be thinking that what i am describing are usually ***** but like so many things in Medway, the area has bred a mutant strain which is now taking the space of the old species. This mutant breed dress like normal ***** but only 100 times worse.
Their method of transport has graduated slowly from public transport, such as trains and buses, to motorised scooters and finally cars, what are collectively known as “****-mobiles”. These cars are generally considered by experts the worst cars in the entire world. Given a burberry paint job, stupid looking spoilers and just generally fake interiors, the “****-mobile” has no predators as only fellow ***** wouldwish to steal such a horrible looking car.
The mating habits are various and dangerous in many circumstances. The female will choose a mate that has the most “respec'” amongst the pack. Getting this “respec'” includes getting drunk, picking a fight with an innocent passer by in the street and bragging in general to his fellow males. Whereas with normal breeds of ***** the female chooses merely who she fancies, the collectively known “Medway mutant” female will only choose the most violent and alcoholic of the group. Again reasons for this behaviour is unknown epecially as the break up in these relationships ends up violent and resulting in children.
Male behaviour is mainly centred around getting *** so the normal behaviour is violent and vengeful. Any Goth or Emo walking by a group of ***** will automatically be picked on and unless they can escape or disguise their appearance then they’ll be beaten up. If ever there was proof of Darwin’s theory “Survival of the fittest” this is it, although resulting in negative results.
This being the case experts on the subject of chavology have but two simple remedies for the population explosion of the “Medway mutant”. One is to cull their numbers and limit their growth rate. A favourable option for society, or the second option which is to monitor them and try and intergrate them into society. The second task is the more acceptable but is rather more difficult.
