New Ash Green a modern village on the outskirts of Gravesend, Dartford and Sevenoaks. Built in the 1960′ – 1970’s it was once an area for bringing up children in a green and woodland area with out cars near to the houses. Not any more, these children have now had kids of their own and have punished the children by making them return to dull New Ash Green – as it is a nice place to bring up kids? The once were play grounds are now ideal havens for the lesser spotted ****. Supporting the staturtory fake Gucci baseball cap, fake Tiffany jewellery and a large abundance of 50cc Scooters. They congrigate there after dusk with their plastic bottles of cider and packs of 10 Soverign ****.
Another local **** area is the shopping centre. Now like a ghost town it has a pub there that is always shut. Budgens is a local support centre for the **** selling bottles of White Lightening to underage drinkers in hoodies with bright white trainers (unlaced) and over sized tracksuit bottoms. That’s just the girls. Martins the newsagents stocks the cheapest **** this side of the channel in packs of 10 just for the ****. And the doctors surgery where you would go to have your ears syringed is now a family planning centre handing out free condoms to them. The once was old fashioned hard ware shop where you could buy a spare fuse for a plug or 15 quarts of white Duluxe. It is now a dodgy italian design furniture shop most of which is flat packed. The butcher that used to sell rabbits, pheasants and organic eggs is now a pound shop selling plastic stack and store boxes and 10 lighters for a pound.
The late 80’s there was a Sunday market in the car park by the school. The local parents hated it but their kids loved it. It finally bought cheap white shoes to an area where the kids shop only sold Startrites and Kickers (not so trendy then) The Sunday market ran for about 8 years till the bootfairs kicked them in to touch. A much awaited return of the Sunday market has meant that the new era of **** can stock up totally with out having to go to Gravesend or Dartford. Cheap burburrey is back which is a good job too as the Queen of ***** Daniella Westbrook lives down the road.
The original Nagger is up in arms over the return of the Sunday market and is blaming it for the ***** ******* around the stainless steel public toilets swearing a lot. I think it rather good because I couldn’t stand another year in New Ash Green and think that the colourful change is what it needs. So if you live in New Ash Green I hope that all the ***** in the south east settle there because they deserve a boring lifeless hole to smoke, drink and bring lots of teenage mums too. Parents of mine please suffer with the **** moving in to your village, like you made us suffer for all those years in New Ash Green.
