More Scrapings From The Bottom Of Our Gene Pool.

sutton, used to be pretty kool, not a kev in sight. Now unfortunately, its slipping into that point of no return. One Word. Mcdonalds. Oh they are loving it alright. especially now theyve had to employ a security guard to keep all the millions of ‘MC snipers’ and ‘Ladee Bufftings’ out, " sorry, can you stand away from the door? your burberry is clashing with ronalds bright red bonce". theres a continuous drone that you can hear from a far, well i say drone, its more a chant "got 20p?got a ***?". yes i do, and no you cant have one. and walking down the high street, "Hi Mr & Mrs ****, yes i know you have twelve kids and A one room flat on falcon lodge

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Wiveliscombe: sh*te rolled down hill and collected in one glorious cesspit

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Hastings, the new Shangri-La for London's vulture lower investment class

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Brighton: ruined by Trustafarians & middle aged hippie consumers

Shaw, trapped between Oldham & Rochdale like a fart between bum cheeks

Shaw, trapped between Oldham & Rochdale like a fart between bum cheeks

The ****-Invaded Sutton Park

I start this article in dream land. A nice peaceful, pleasent park where people can walk their dogs with no

fear, and go for a walk on a sunny sunday evening with their partner. Errr I think NOT!!

Its been taken over my the **** of the earth. *****!!! They go and sit in sutton park in their scruffy

tracksuits and the ****** girls with some booze getting pissed out of their heads then ending up sleeping in a

bush over night. Dont get me wrong, some of these people who go in and drink a few cans can we okay – But you do

get ***** there who intimerdate people, try to start a fight or even a fire as some enjoy. Some of the *****

with over 1 brain cell try and make a rope swing in certain places (god knows why). Its quite good for ***** as

there are about 10 different gates from different areas where they can invade and meet up in the middle… Its

almost like a maze!!! (well a 20,000 piece jigsaw for the dumb *****)

Its a real shame that sutton has turned into this, especially in the big, well known park. I would say about 80%

of the people that visit sutton park are decent, normal people. And 20% (this is the point where some dumb ****

will say.. uhh isnt it 10%!??!!?) No.. i said 20% of them are *****!

I almost forgot! – The crappy 50 CC Mopeds and mini motorbikes are raced around sutton park destroying animals

habitats and almost running into some old womans legs, or running over a dog having fun! They race around their

like loonatics, and their mates just gormlessly stand there like ‘Oh thats cool mann (DORKY LAUGH)’….. But it

really is quite sad!! Petrol scooters are also a ****-thing. There is always a few of them racing around sutton

coldfield if not the park, some loonatics race up and down the roads and pavements.
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Sutton coldfield ***** usually roam around the streets untill around 2/3 in the morning, after buying their stash of spliffs, cocaine, and other unexciting things. The little ***** usually get their mate of a mates mate to buy them their ****, or you find them half your size walking upto you randomly on the streets asking you for one.. Of course getting laughed straight in the face by everyone after they’ve asked.

After school in sutton coldfield, its like a bunch of hooligans.. Well thats what they are right?!?! You usually glance out of your window to see the pleasent site of people pushing others into the gardens of local residents, sparking up their cheap **** they bought from some desperate **** in need of money at school….. and if you lucky your get to see a pair of dumb ***** walking the opposite way to everyone else, and going back upto school in their mckenzie hoodies (with the hoods up of course) and the trackies that are too small for them – so they disguise it by tucking their trousers into their socks… and the latest pair of Nike Shox. Of course.. They’re too good to walk on the pavement so they decide to walk infront of cars in the middle of the streets.

Im quite surprised they do that though, as you get other ***** speeding up and down the roads in their crappy rusted up cars with their ‘tunez’ pumpin, drawing everyones attention to look at the pile of **** they’re driving. Often you see the big fat ***** walking home, as their mates have ditched them as they like to fit as many people in their car as possible. Half of them just sit in their cars with the windows and doors wide open on the side of the road, drinking their cheap cider trying to rev up what they call an engine. The wooden spoilers on their vauxhall nova’s give a great effect….. NO YOUR CARS ****!

Theres always the one with the really loud laugh, and just has to let the local residents know that ‘he’s the man’… Hmm i think not! The teachers usually are too scared to come out of the school untill around 5 O’clock. But you get the odd risk taker, in which one teachers husband got a friendly battering by a group of nice caring local *****… (True Story)

Theres always girls to a group of *****. Usually 3 girls. One blonde who wouldnt know the difference if an asteroid just smashed infront of her face. The brunette who just smiles and plays along as if they know what everyone is going on about, and of course… The big fat shaz who just sits down eating doughnuts complaining that she doesn’t want to walk any more, when the rest of them are offered a lift on the back of one of the lads 50 CC moped that travels at the same speed as a wheelchair.

You could always move to the local astro turf on wyndley leisure centre where you’ll find some innocent kids playing football… Well untill a bunch of drugged up ***** come and spoil the fun that is. Yes, the nice friendly ***** come and steal their ball… Then their phones…. then their wallets… and why not give them a punch in the face and knock their teeth out while your at it? After that they move onto the local cinema and try and sneak in again.. Their cheap cider so one of the dumb blondes can be taken advantage off inside the cinemas.

This one time…. (not at band camp) i was sitting in the cinemas enjoying a nice film, when we was so politely interupted to a big fat shaz standing on her seat shouting “Come on then you ****** ****” to another group of girls. It went on and on untill everyone told them to shutup, and a woman with brain cells told a member of staff and got them chucked out.

Another fun incident ive seen in the cinemas, was when this young **** shouted at an older **** something about his dad who no longer lived with him. There was no ******* around… I turned by eyeballs around for just 0.5th of a second to look back round to see this one kid punching the living daylights out of the other…. So if your going to the cinemas in sutton coldfield….
a) Wear a hooded jacket unless you want to get bombarded with popcorn and minstrels.
b) Rent out a romantic movie from the local blockbusters (Just down the road) and dont even go to the cinemas.

There are many other nice fun activities such as swimming. ***** love swimming… I mean they can bomb others… Attempt to show off their so called ‘diving skills’ infront of their friends in which case they usually end up belly flopping and looking like a complete fool. Also theres always the ‘battle of the floats’, in which ***** like to steal floats off other children. First they ask nicely, and if they dont get it.. they decide to tip kids who cant swim upside down on the float and attempt to drown them. Just picture it… a bunch of ***** swimming off on this float, where as some little children coughing their guts up whilst using all their energy to tread water in the deep end. How kind and thoughtful of the *****! The lifeguards usually are slightly older ***** who just sit there watching everyone swimming and having fun, whilst them sitting their gormlessly thinking ‘Why arent i having fun’.

The most ridiculous thing i’ve ever seen a **** wearing was a lime green shirt with a furr coat on and all the usual bling. I’ve also seen burberry nike shox. Okay burberry and shox on there own are bad enough… Now what idiot decided to make them mixed together? Its ridiculous… They look dispicible… They would look so much better just pouring a pot of paint over their thick skulls.

If theres an old lady who drops her bags… Most sane people would be kind and help her! *****… Help… Haha as if… They just stand.. point.. laugh.. and walk off. How helpful!?!?!?!

Leave your comments on this article, and if they’re thumbs up – I’ll be sure to write another!!

**** Joke #1 –
Q – What do you call a **** in a box?
A – INNIT!
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Ah Sutton Coldfield. As a new user, I’m surprised that there are no existing entries for Sutton Coldfield, given the high concentration of ***** in and around the Gracechurch shopping centre and, later at night, the gippo pubs like the Litten Tree and Bottle o Sack.

Now, don’t get me wrong, Sutton Coldfield has a pretty nice image and there’s a fair bit of money splashing around the area (albeit with a good proportion generated by “***** done good” (i.e. criminals who’ve got away with it), with wives who wear gold shoes, dripping with gold jewellery and the like). However, like most “nice” areas, it attracts a lot of ***** who want to be associated with BLING! Couple this with the proximity of Sutton to the **** cesspit that is Falcon Lodge, a mere gold chain’s throw away, and it means that there’s a massive influx of burberry, rockport and the like, ******* out intimidating people in the shopping centre and leering at passers by outside Burger King.

And then there’s the grafitti. Every electricty box, phone box, wall and expanse of concrete covered by tags. “Bema” was perhaps the most prolific with his tag extending for miles around Sutton. A true king among *****.

The sad truth is the chavdom has a foothold in every town and city in the UK. Well, as they say, if you can’t **** them join them. I’m off down to Argos. C U l8r m8.

Ah, welcome to the North Birmingham suburbian town of Sutton Coldfield. This place purports to be an affluent, well-to-do sort of area, but in reality harbours the sort of dole-ite **** even Trisha would run away screaming from.
Firstly, it borders the scabby ward of Kingstanding, an area which for several years held the dubious honour of having the highest teen pregnancy rate in Britain. You can barely move 2 yards without seeing some spotty goon or sour-faced bint clad from head to toe in Burberry, Rockport, Hackett, Fred Perry and the like, and usually clutching a bawling, similarly clothed infant.
They gather at sacred spots like ‘The Back of the 451 Bus’, ‘The Steps Outside KwikSave’ and ‘Just outside McDonalds’. You can’t even go to Tesco’s for a loaf of bread without finding some ******* suspiciously around the dvd section, or looking at the dummy phones.
The *****, (or Kevs as they are most commonly known around here) of Sutton are particularly proud of the way they tuck the ******, unwashed hems of their tracksuit bottoms into their Burberry socks, and how far back they can balance their baseball caps on their heads without them falling off completely. (Thereby it’s unusual for them to be out on windy days).
I happen to work as Kitchen Manager at a pub on the outskirts of Sutton and Kingstanding, and have observed literally thousands of the bleeders strut through the doors. They especially like to treat their ********* to a slap up meal at our pub, usually a steak and chips or lasagne, since these are the items on the 2 for £5.95 menu. ********* naturally feel like royalty on such an occasion and dress up to that effect. If they are not sufficiently grateful as to yield to *** at the bus stop up the road, they are naturally beaten with pool cues.