Ah, Lancing, the in-bred town of ******.

Beside having the inability to park a car unless opposite another vehicle, completely blocking the road, there are lots of things going on in Lancing.

Like the Mothers Meetings outside Freshbrook school. I mean, like they havent got loads of other things to do. Washing? Ironing? Cleaning? Oh no. I forgot. Their *****. And so are their children. They live on the council estates, and don’t bother to clean up. They drop the kids off to school (not because they want them to get an education…no. It’s so they can jack up in peace) then, they stand outside the gates talking to one another, for absolutely ages, and then go for coffee in the cafe, and then go home when the rush has worn off, so the can jack up again.

Then there is a post office. I was standing patiently in a que, along with many other people, and this chavvish old granny walked up to the counter and said the lady ‘I’m sorry but can you serve me now, because I’ve got a taxi outside and I can’t walk, because I have a bad leg.’ Whats the deal with that?! ‘I’m sorry I broke a finger. Can you serve me my food first please?’ It’s not just the latest generations who are *****.

At night (which I don’t really know that much about because I daren’t venture out) the Mothers Meeting’s kids all sit around outside the Co-Op, Alldays, or the train station. At this point some poor person who has no choice but to walk past them, gets kebab thrown at them, or chips, and it’s even been known for them to throw an opened bottle of water.

I have to say that this has to be one of the most Chavish towns.

South Lancing used to be a haven for ***** when I was at school there. I’m living in London now, and I’ve only once been misfortunate enough to encounter the company of ***** on the 134 bus in the six years I’ve been living here.

Lancing is not so bad anymore, but that’s probably because all my old school friends live in North Lancing, so I never tend to venture past the south side of the level crossing unless absolutely necessary.

My friends and I are arranging and recording a song about ***** to the theme of “He’s a Tramp” from Lady and the Tramp. We need some lyrics for the second half of the final verse and the coda, so if anyone has any ideas, please let us know! ([email protected])

P.S. Probably the one place where chavhood is second to none is around Buckhurst Hill/Debden (or Plebden, as we call it) in Essex. It’s either innocent, friendly OAPs or young, annoying, abusive youths driving very expensive sports cars at 40 mph in gear 1. Weird place!

I had the pleasure to work for a short while on Lancing Industrial Estate – an area of outstanding natural beauty. When I used to wait at the train station to get my train back to Brighton there would always be a number of teenage ***** ******* around outside th Co-op, but on one occasion two male teenage ***** dressed head to toe in pastel Nicholson gear with “love, *** and money” written al over the tops and with fake burberry baseball caps, were standing on the platform with a baby in a pram, discussing how when the supposed father had his trial and was sent down for a year or two, the mother would have to take sole responsibility for the child which the father seemed to be worried about. He Indicated that she is somehting of a psycho and not able to bring up a child. Hooray for another **** child being brought up in Lancing. Lancing is a truly horrific place, sharing most of the ***** in the south east with neighboring town Fishersgate.