Unfortuantely, I have the deep “joy” that is living in the town of Hemel Hempstead, commonly known as ’emel by dylexic *****.
Hemel has a huge **** problem as they swarm about in huge groups, destroying bus shelters and phone boxes as they go. The problem starts in the Junior schools. I happen to live near chaulden jmi school, and everyday at 3.10 i watch all the mini *****, with their pierced ears and mini burberry shoes crawl from the school, battered and bruised from their fighting into the arms of their teeange mums, sporting their youngest child in one arm and some generic ciagarette in the other.
These mini *****, who by the age of four have picked up all the vocabularly they will need for the rest of their lives, then swarm out into the secondary schools of Hemel. As a normal young person in Hemel, you are lucky to get into the “better” of the **** hole schools, JFK. The other poor souls find themselves converted into the rip-off burburry and nickelson jackets (purchased for £5 off the back of a van).
At one of the schools, Astely cooper 3 normal students were lucky enough to be stabbed as to not have to attend the school anymore.
Infact, in two of the hemel hempstead secondary schools, the teachers (wearing stab proof vests and high on prozac) actaully leave the final lesson (attended by a grand total of 3 ***** who are on plice escort) 10mins early so they can escape before the bells go (true story)
Once the schools have finished, all the ***** (fully fledged now, with no virginity and everything) the ***** flock to the “marlowes”. On a tuesday night, the girls flock to the Family Planning Clinic to pick up their STI tests and the boys congrigate in the Burger King to smoke their mayfair superkings and wait for their “*******” to come back. They then congrigate in such shops and JJB and the new “Replic” store (YAY!) where the girly ***** put nickelson tops under their hoodies to make them look preganant (if they all ready arn’t) and walk out the shop. They get away with this becuase a) they spend half their teenage years pregnant b) the staff that work there are all post teen ***** that are all so retareded you could steal the money out the cash till and they would give you a hand.
The safest time to go to the marlowes (god knows why you would want to, watford is 15mins on the train), is a friday night. This is becuase the boys are out stealing condoms from the local asian corner shop and the girls are burning their greasy hair with straigteners (bought from the ever up class, hemel market *oooh*) and applying a 3 inch layer of makeup and heels digusting enough to challenge the essex girls!
All this careful preperation is so they can attend “wally world” the place that is literally, build on a **** heap. It used to be a landill site and now it’s sinking on one side. So if yo fancy a game of bowling (you dont trust me) you will be faced with wonky lanes. Anyways, they come here to annoy the police guarding the terrified staff at the classy food resturant (aka maccie d’s) and go the the wonderful nightclubs. In these clubs, all the ***** congrigate in one corner (i suspect this is due to the place sinking) and have ritual mating ceremonies with involves grabbing a girls *** pulling her and shagging her from behind in the toilets. (nb. if you are 18 and attending these night clubs then you are probably the oldest person in there).
Then, after the ritual bottling of anything that moves and the LESUIRE WORLD sign, the ***** can be seen fighting for cabs to take them to the council estate a whole 3min walk away.
Please note, the school I attend, considered the best in the area, about 20% of the year can’t read to a decent level, their vocab consistist of a series of insults and no words with more than 3 sylables and it is considered a good thing that they are doing 4 GCSE’s of wich one they are going to pass, with the lowest grade, G. There are four people expected to pass maths with an A and we find ourselves with one of the higest rates of teen pregnancy, we are the most sociallly deprived area in our county and find outselves with no bus shelter left unmarked. Bloody *****.
