Chesham – such an idealic town located in the beautiful countryside of Buckinghamshire, prided itself on being voted the counties most beautiful town three years on the trot….now it is the centre of a breeding culture of chavness!!

The centre of the ***** lives revolves around one famous fast food outlet…McDs!! they spend their lives outside it smoking their **** and shouting abuse at any passer by! it makes me cringe when i hear 13 yr old monique telling her mate Kim how many times she’s sucked her 16 yr old boyfriend off or when they moan about the lack of attention their so called boyfriends pay them!

Then u get the group of lads jumping on top of the phone box trying to look manly infront of their trophy tarts!! its sad!!

A night out in Chesham consists of all the under 16s trying to get into the local pubs, where these big ‘**** off’ boucers r on the door of the Red Lion – however these tarts no the tricks one flash of their boobs and they have guareenteed entry! it’s so funny to see these burberry clad ***** drooling all over their chaveets – with their slicked back ponytails pulled so tight that they look like they’ve had a face lift!

Then it’s off to global for more **** action, this time its the under 16s trying to get off with the pervy 30 yr old men…this then causes a fight between **** junior and an older man who should no better – therefore a good night out in Chesham ends with the usual police arresting the angry blokes and the little **** girl going home.

As u can see much has changed in chesham since its good old days of winning best town!! oh well just think what it will be like in the next 10 yrs…actually lets not!! im just glad i dont have to live their anymore!!

Chesham. Chesham. Chesham. Chesham. Ahh, what a town. The churches, the charity shops, the park, the fields – a wonderful place to live were it not for the *********** (to put it politely) that comes in the form of those ever so delightful ***** (Kevs in this area). They do the usual of course, wear their stupid clothes, drive round in their cars, get pregnant before they hit puberty and plague the town’s residents.

Chesham ***** (I like the sound of that :-P) are possibly the stupidest on the planet. For a start they hang outside MacDonalds, congregate as if it is their Church. What is with that by the way? Why do they choose the most unsavoury, dirtiest, cheapest places to gather? Suppose it is written into their genetic code…Anyway, it is from there that they spew their **** all over the rest of the town – in some cases, quite literally. They even take over the Skate Park. Sitting on all the ramps and so forth purposefully so people cannot use them. ********…

And then there is their confrontational attitude. My friend was walking along one night listening to his IPod when a **** came up to him and said – this is word for word by the way – ‘Oi, gif me vat or I’ll stick it in ya’ (he was brandishing a knife by the way). Now my friend could have fought him, run away, called for help or done a number of other things. He did, however, the opposite. He talked to him. The **** looked confused, turned and walked off. He was scared off by big words. Whilst this may not be the best tactic, it will work in a one-on-one basis, espcially if the **** looks like he has the IQ of cheese. Which most do incidentally…

The other incident which has gone down in local lore was the time there was a gig on in the Town Hall. A few skaters were ******* around outside when 20 or so ***** came up and began starting on those outside. Things began to get heated when, fortunately, the gig finished and out poured 100 skaters, goths and grungers. I swear, you have never seen people look so **** scared and run as fast as they did. (MacDonalds was closed so the 20 were unable to muster more forces and come back to fight. The rest were all at home with their 14 year old pregnant girlfriends, eating a dinner of fish and chips, drinking a cheap beer and watching the Lottery in the **** way – the only way they know to make money apart from dealing drugs and stealing).

So when next in Chesham and you see the crew outside of ‘Maccy-D’s’, don’t fear, just walk quickly,remember these tales of stupidity and smile 🙂

If you ever have the misfortune to visit this miserable excuse for a town, then I hope for your sake that you leave as soon as possible.

***** hang about usually outside McDonalds (not inside as they can’t afford to buy a hamburger between them so resort to standing outside drinking their alcopops and smoking their B&H), Mr Qs theme pub or Stages 2 – the ***** excuse for a nightclub – more like a box room.

Watch out for the ****** families during the day as they take their kids out for a day shopping down the high street – **** central. There are more charity shops in Chesham than anywhere else. Where else would the ***** buy their garms?