Living in Bourne
Written by Anonymous Visitor and posted in East Midlands, Lincolnshire

Well, what can I say?! Bourne…a small town. Classed as a market town, yet the market has only around 4 stalls, mostly owned by the same guy! He knows how to make a living from fruit, veg and flowers/plants!

The majority of the town has been taken over by takeaways, hairdressers and cafés. The oldies cafe of choice is Julie’s, which is also a cheap favourite of chavvy self tanned mothers from the local primary school, who tend to go straight after the school run every morning, stay for toast (crumpets if they’re feeling rich) and a cuppa. The train ride outside is a hit with their even chavvier sprogs, best ride round her and for 20p, it’ll keep your brats quiet for 5 mins at least!

The cafe is situated in ‘The Burghley Centre’. Comprising of charity shops, a cheap junk shop (two-jays), a brand spanking new subway, specsavers and a co-op, this is the place to hang out. Although the council have taken the outdoor benches away, so the skateboarding pricks can’t hang out and trip people up! They now hang out round the corner, right next to the car park…annoying the hell out of people trying to walk past!

If you’re looking for a pub, and wanna get down with the local alleged 16 year olds, the Burghley is the place to be at night!

Set right on the high street, it’s easily accessible, just be sure to wipe your feet on the way out!! That place hasn’t been the same since the Welsh family stopped running it!! The Nags Head, a stones throw from the Burghley arms, is now a restaurant type pub…that too has gone downhill! Used to be a great place to go see a band or something on the weekend! That takes us then upstairs to ‘the late bar’. Supposedly classy since its refurbishment, this place is a proper expensive dive!! Only good thing about this place is the fact it’s the only place open past 2am!

The red lion, self confessed sports pub!! Wow! What can I say?!?! Another wipe-your-feet-on-the-way-out type of place! Full of big-headed local ‘rugby players’ 😂😂 for people who love sport, and crappy karaoke on certain nights, this is the place for you!

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In Bourne, we have an abundance of charity shops! Red Cross, age uk, cancer research, Sally Anne’s, Barnados, and the newest one, 3 counties rescue!! Think that’s all of them! You’ll be sure to grab a bargain of some sort from one or the other!! We also have lots and lots of hairdressers and ‘beauty shops’. Hmmmmm, think the owners of these shops should have a makeover before trying to help someone else out, if you catch my drift!

Onto other places for the kids to hang out…the Abbey Lawns, a massive field in the centre of the town, with nothing but closed off tennis courts, closed off cricket pitch, closed off football ground, and also a bowling and pétanque club that are also, you guessed it, closed off. Be sure to wear wellies or other old crappy boots tho, because you’re sure to step in dog crap somewhere!! Classy!!

The wellhead, another field, this is where Bourne castle was situated. Now there is nothing but grass, trees, paths and a small child’s playground, where people don’t dare actually take their young children, due to idiotic teenagers drinking and pissing up the kids toys!! Although, there is the duck pond, lovely to look at but stinks in the summer!

You can always take your kid to the local indoor play area, if you’re a parent with more money than sense!

In my personal opinion, anyone born here will NEVER leave! This place is the be all and end all For the yellow bellied fen billies!! Don’t move to this town, you will NEVER ESCAPE!!!!