Ah, I have noticed that an esteemed person has already noted Workington for its chavtasticness. Well, I think that it is my duty to the world to add to this. Simply Workington is the c**v armpit of Cumbria. Everyone knows that, they all congregate in their c**v-mobiles ever weekend by the bowling alley which is situated simply in an industrial park. Like in most towns, the bowling alley itself is quite known for attracting c***s; hence most avoid it, and not without good reason either. At some random point last month as a celebration of a friend’s birthday we went there, to start with we were alone, but eventually c***s congregated in and outside, making us giddy to the bone that we were given this opportunity to socialise with them. Or so we though, the head c**v (the one behind the counter working with the lovely shoes) was found to be flirting with a friend. He thought he was being entertaining when he spent the best part of an hour staring at her and doing what looked like hard work….drawing a diagram of how to bowl…how we laughed (at him).
We left the bowling alley laughing quite hard, ah, but we were horror struck when we saw “cruise West Cumbria” (c**v car crew, basically) were having a “mini-meet” there. They must have been in a state of shock themselves when they realised that we weren’t wearing any sports clothes…very shocked indeed. But, we pitied them and only laughed for a while…they shouted something at us, I’m not sure what it was but it was probably something along the lines of, “What you looking at eeyyyy?”. Yes, in Workington if you look up from the pavement to meet a c**v’s eyes you better be prepared to run from their big cousin who will be getting out of jail for shop lifting soon. So bare that in mind if you ever get the irresistible urge to visit the c**v central town known as Workington.
After eating in an establishment which wasn’t McDonalds (shock, shock) we then went to wait outside until we were picked up, which was too long for comfort. This car was driving past and back again and asked us if we wanted “a lift eeey”…the answer was simply no. Again, a c**v was flirting with the same unfortunate friend…we are worried for her as well. After they realised we were laughing at them not with, they sped away in the direction of McDonalds (which is really close) and we saw no more of them. In most English towns we would have been beaten up for that or even stabbed, in London we would have been shot dead, but don’t let that spoil a good chav baiting story.
Workington town centre is not much better. Like practically all English towns, they have about 3 pound shops, c***s can be seen there but mainly they can be seen outside Sports Direct which is conveniently next to Iceland.
Remember that Workington is a dangerous place, c***s have been known to spit at the occasional passer-by, if this happens I strongly recommend Cif Disinfectant, it may just save your soul.
Update 2017: I really really I am not an out-of-touch with reality snob. Toodle pip!