Living in Warrington, Cheshire
Written by Anonymous Visitor and posted in Cheshire, North West, United Kingdom

Warrington, ah where to begin. My first experiences I guess would suffice.

I was born in 1993, in an area of Warrington called Orford. Only one letter off from being Oxford- but in terms of culture, architecture and economy- another world away.This perspective of course is tainted, ever since I moved ‘Down South’ I’ve thought of it more and more as some fucked up dystopian reality of what would have happened if Russia won the Cold War and wanted to deplete the west as much as possible. But right now in the narrative thats beside the point.

My childhood was a fairly happy experience. Normal, caring parents. The occasional beatings from my older, stronger peers. Even the odd meat and potato pie from the synge street bakery, if I was a good (thieving) lad. It was lovely. But puberty and the ability to travel outside Orford and Warrington came.

I realised the politics and systems behind the place; of people being born into what ever god-forsaken position they could grasp hold of, and learning to behave in accordance to how they are expected to. I didn’t like the taste of this. I mean- f*ck, how was it fair that I was doomed to the fate of living with a camp Warringtonian accent whilst having to espouse the masculine qualities of creating as many bastard children as possible, harbouring sexual fantasies about not-nearly-enough-distant relatives, developing the taste for recycled drunkards urine (frosty jacks), and denying my equality to ethnic minorities. I think a journey to Manchester might spark the ember of this revelation, a journey to Burnley pissed the proverbial fire, and a trip to the French Island of Corsica doused it in petrol and lit it up like the little c***s who now reside in Warrington.

I also went to secondary school in the south of Warrington, something that highlighted the national north-south divide as something obscured by the facade of wealth, and so nevertheless the same in nature. At school there the prevalent universal situations of 13-year old girls being up the duff; c*ntish pricks (dicks without balls) finding pleasure in kicking pathetic weaklings in the prostate; and lower-middle class twats donning trackie hoodies under their blazers. The c***s from the south really were the worst, feeling they had to prove their disaffection rather than experience it.

Enough of that bullshit, I’m a little inebriated from the memory of Orford Lane. Ah the various exotic smells of that beautifully destructive herb, its enough to haunt anyone. Bridge Street is another haunting place; the image of a man repeatedly punching another patron head, sneering at the blood gushing from the back of his head that was bouncing of the edge of the curb. A light hearted reenactment of the opening scene of American History X I think.

Anyway, after that torrent of incoherent bullshit I will wrap it up. If you are seeking a town that will not be gentrified in a long time, go to Warrington.

P.S. STI checks, occasional reading, an avoidance of pubs like The Original Wire, and the mental strength of Steel (or rock if you are that way inclined) are all necessary to living beyond Warringtonian’s average life span- which is the spry of age of 65.

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  • Katie

    re: Comments about Warrington

    I moved to Warrington in 1972 – in those days it was a friendly northern market town. The problems have been caused by the drunken yobs that inhabit the town centre at night and who drink too much. With regard to Orford and education etc – both of my daughters were educated in Orford and have gone on to acquire university degrees and not in such subjects as media either. The problem is the people who haven’t the brains to think and need to go to the south and have their accents knocked out of them and look down on the northern towns where they were born. Sorry, but I really don’t think much of them – and as for accents – that really is a snobbish comment – provided you can speak the Queen’s English (can you)? and make yourself understood without resorting to foul and abusive language you are perfectly acceptable to me.

  • Chris

    HIYA! (that accent.. uuurgh)

    Thanks, Greg, for describing what I missed out on when I was moved from Warra down to lovely Brighton aged 9.

    Sure, I went to the roughest school in Brighton, had several kickings and had the accent bullied out of me within a few months, but looking at what the alternative could have been, it was by far and away the right choice. It’s Brighton ffs!

    To anyone else growing up in a sh*t northern town: Study hard, play on your console instead of going out to save your pennies, keep yourself in shape and when the time comes, GTFO and never look back. There’s a whole lovely world out there!

    • Paul…

      Hi Guys. I’ve lived in Warrington all my life and had the fortune to be able to travel across the world (only for pleasure) and for me it’s always nice to come home. I’ve also had the missfortune to work down south and I must say almost everyone south of Crewe is a c*nt and the ones that chose to move down there from the great northern towns are the biggest c*nts of all. So for anyone wanting to escape Warrington or any other northwest town, do yourself a favour and make sure you move north not south and if you must go south involve a plane and head for the sun while the EU still allows you to

  • Awais

    I enjoyed reading this and got a good chuckle out of this.