Scotland - iLiveHere: Best & Worst UK Towns Reviewed

The Siberian mining experiment-come-‘New’ town of Cumbernauld

Siberian mining experiment-come-‘New’ town, Cumbernauld, near Glasgow, was voted 2nd most **** town in Britain in the Idler magazine’s 2003 poll and it was in no small way thanks to the invaluable contribution made by the town’s ****-majority that this ground-breaking (or should that be window-breaking?) feat was achieved. Like its sister (by different fathers?) […]

Saltcoats: first thing to hit me was the smell of raw sewage

Eleven months ago I moved to a small seaside town in Ayrshire to be closer to work. Unfortunately, relocating to Saltcoats turned out to be the worst move of my life. The first thing to hit me was the smell of raw sewage. That, I convinced myself, I could live with. However this was the […]

Larkhall mobs are often quiet during the week, the weekend is a different story

Local mobs often keep quiet during the week in Larkhall although there is the occasional fight, the occasional singing, and the occasional alcohol and cannabis consumption. Larkhall is quite a little place about 30 – 45 minutes away from Glasgow, its big brother towns (the ***** would argue they are our little brother towns) are […]

Dundee has one geological fault, it is above sea level

Dundee on the North East coast of Scotland must qualify as one of the worst towns in the UK. It is said that the only geological fault in Dundee is that it is above sea level. Its middle class façade as you progress along PART of the Kingsway (The rest is derelict) lulls you into […]

Dundee: There are many attractions for those with a black sense of humour

Dundee or ‘Dundeh’, as the locals would call it, is a city of contrasts. It used to be said of Dundeh that if Scotland needed an enema, Dundeh is where they’d stick the pipe, but things have changed. There are many attractions for those with a black sense of humour. Shell-suited gadgies patrol in groups […]

Paisley – what can one say with regard to this “charming” town

What can one say with regard to this “charming” town. Irritable from birth, their birth marks are Burberry, Nickelson And most recently Berghaus – I assume this is a winter trend but only next summer will tell. In Paisley they seem attracted like moths to large exhausted compact cars which have been “altered” to be […]

What a complete and utter sh*tehole Stirling is…

What a complete and utter ********* Stirling is. Awarded City status by the Queen in 2003, that doesn’t stop this from being a Chavtown, in fact, it rather makes it even more of an attraction for the ****** ********. First off , there’s the ubiquitous McDonald’s full of **** – here you can quite commonly […]