St Andrews – Such a lovely town, if you are tourist or student that is…

Living in St Andrews, Fife, Scotland

So St Andrews, the home of Golf, a prestigious University – on the face of it lovely. Beautiful beaches, nice walks – outwith the town. Tourists, School kids, pensioners and the locals (who resemble Zombies) squeeze in to the three main streets and get pavement rage at each other. An array of people who are […]

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Prestonpans residents, they’re the most miserable lot in East Lothian

Living in Prestopans, Scotland

Prestonpans or as locals say ‘the Paaans’ has got to be the most miserable lot in east Lothian. The people here are half baked, miserable, bitter, and as sour faced as Andrew Lloyd Webber licking on a nettle. The gossip mongering is off the scale -men and women and nobody has a life. Everyone exists […]

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Carlisle: the people who inhabit this city are not quite right

Living in Carlisle, Cumbria

Well Carlisle… A few days ago I was in the lovely town of Keswick, the picturesque mountains, the sunset glistening on the lake. As the love of my life enjoyed a fruit cider, as semi retired couples smiled and waved at my son and I, me being somewhat naive, jumped at the chance to work […]

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Pollok, Glasgow, attempts to modernise the place have largely failed

Living in Glasgow, Scotland

Named after the fish that used to swim in the river before it became too trolley strewn to support any living creature, Pollok (ignore the mis-spelling, nobody that lives here is literate enough to care) is the scheme that time forgot. **** here still sport the gravity defying caps, the ****** tracksuits and the whiter […]

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Aviemore: we are made to feel as welcome as a Christian in Saudi Arabia

Living in Aviemore, Scotland

My bonnie wee lassie and I have stayed in Aviemore on several occasions when visiting the Highlands. Considering the local countryside is among the most pristine in Europe, it is strange that Aviemore was not designed to be even slightly sympathetic to its surroundings. As human beings we have been blessed, by whatever created us, […]

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Forth – a grey & moribund carbuncle on the ****-end of Scotland

Living in Forth, Scotland

The late great Rik Mayall once called Nottingham ‘a dark Godless void on the edge of human misery’, which exactly correlates with my feelings about Forth in Lanarkshire, Scotland. Cumbernauld’s little but equally-as-ugly little brother. Granted, it is a village – but hell is it depressing. A grey and moribund carbuncle on the ****-end of […]

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Brechin is home to people who have nowhere else to go

Living in Brechin, Scotland

Ahh Brechin.. Green Grass, White Snow and Brown Mud.. Or just slang terms Brechiners use for drugs. Traditionally Brechin is often described as a city because of its cathedral and its status as the seat of a pre-Reformation Roman Catholic diocese. But I would say different. Brechin is home to people who have nowhere else […]

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Arbroath: a mixture of racists and junkies

Living in Arbroath, Scotland

Arbroath is the place of the Abbey which the stone of destiny was placed after being stolen from London. The people of Arbroath are a mixture of racist and junkies. The racism is not of skin colour it is of places outside Arbroath. A trip on a date is to pie bobs and a quick […]

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Blantyre: sh*te in Livingstone’s days, he left for another continent

Living in Blantyre

Birthplace of David Livingstone – the famous explorer, and has one of the largest populations for a village in Europe. Sounding picturesque? Read on. ASDA is the biggest shop there… and it has a café, If you went there on any weekday, you’d be greeted by the same single mothers brigade that meet in said […]

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Aberdeen, voted “the most dismal town in Scotland”

Living in Aberdeen

Every town has rough areas. Aberdeen is no exception. We all know that areas such as Tillydrone, Torry, Kincorth and Mastrick have reputations for high crime rates and drug users but those areas are not even where Aberdeen’s biggest problem lies. That area is the city centre. For decades Aberdeen has had the reputation of […]

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