Llanelli – will it ever move with the times? No.

Living in Llanelli, Wales

I have lived in Llanelli all my life. At first sight, it seems like a nice town. When I was a child, it seemed all normal. But as I got older, I realised how behind the town is. With the exception of a few people in my family, everyone seems to be stuck in a […]

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Northampton, also known as ‘Nofuntown’

Living in Northampton, Northamptonshire

If you are talking Northampton you are talking Abington Street to begin your visit, the once thriving and traditional main shopping thoroughfare having its teeth punched out, gaps filled with the perfunctory charity shops, pawn brokers, fast food restaurants and mobile phone repair shops (why is it only Afghans that work in those?) or simply […]

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Daventry, the opposite of Hotel California

Living in Daventry, East Midlands

I went to school in Daventry and lived in a village nearby until I scarpered to London in 1997, aged 19. I couldn’t wait. Years later, I’m browsing Facebook and find out a school mate had made it to Australia, married and had kids. The other side of the planet! Desperate times. Others got to […]

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Ashton under lyne, into the mouth of madness and straight out of the other end

Living in Ashton under Lyne, Greater Manchester

Once upon a time,in the forgotten land of Tameside there was a strange little town called Ashton under lyne. In this town there was once a thriving outdoor market, good shops and nightlife. Thanks to the powers that be and a few numpties, all that magic has gone forever. Now it’s Mos Eisley and the […]

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Saddleworth is not Yorkshire and you’re not Alan Sugar

Living in Saddleworth, Greater Manchester

Green green Saddleworth. Where you can escape the harsh reality from what is commonly known as Hiroshima little boy (Oldham). Saddleworthians are easily spotted in a crowd amongst their fellower Oldhamer’s. They’re the ones who have fake accents, no wit and a false sense of superiority. Yes if you like a bit of bullshit and […]

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Mossley, home of the ‘Who’s got the most toes competition’

Living in Mossley, Greater Manchester

Whether you’re from top or bottom Mossley, there was always an issue of who is the most superior life form. With ***** who don’t have the complications of the inner city chavery to cloud their empty minds, their justification for territory extends to ********** characteristics such as who’s dad has six toes or who’s Uncle […]

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Blackpool, a bog-log bobbing adventure by the sea

Living in Blackpool, Lancashire

I was enchanted as a child by the fairground wonderland of Blackers. The promenade, the pleasure beach, the trams and the illuminations. Now even the thought of visiting this 10th rate smack-****** ********, grotty, STD happy shi@hole, makes me rather have root canal work done! I think Blackers has a tolerance limit of 4 hours, […]

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Towyn: Camelot for the leisurewear knights

Living in Towyn, Wales

Towyn, once part of North Wales popular north coast with its dunes, dreams and sunny holiday memories is now a nightmare on sh*t street. The dunes are now fortified boulders along the promenade, either to keep the hoards of ***** in their POW style static caravan camps in or the sea out.(presumably to stop it […]

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Combe Martin in Devon – Bolshie Brummies a plenty

Living in Combe Martin, Devon

Combe Martin is a Devonshire bumpkin village and small “seaside resort” (apparently), about 4 miles east of Ilfracombe in North Devon. There are very few Devonians left in this **** town, where the average age is 0-18 or over 60; anyone else who wants a normal life ‘gets the hell out of Dodge’, and lets […]

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Liverpool: A sort of Purgatory for Individuality

Living in Liverpool, Merseyside

I suppose I should preface this by saying I speak nothing like any of the ******, ********** characters that populate this particular city of the UK. I have the accent of someone from down South and as such, receive various insults about me ‘sounding posh’. My Mother hails from this city but actually has morals, […]

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Nottingham, A dirty place full of people who can’t speak properly

Living in Nottingham, Nottinghamshire

You’re driving along the M1 northbound from Leicester sort of way and the journey feels fine except from a couple idiots on the outside lane trying to knock your car out of the way. Seems to be nothing around but fields, ‘Nice’ I thought. Then I see a sight that just looks so unwelcoming, the […]

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Avoid Crawley if you have a shred of decency

Living in Crawley, West Sussex

Anyone who lives within 50 miles of Crawley will be aware of its somewhat undesirable reputation. As a Surrey boy, I was less than impressed when a career move and a new relationship led to me having to rent a flat in the centre of town. Now, as I prepare to move on after around […]

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