Churchdown – a final resting place

Living in Churchdown, Gloucestershire

Churchdown is a Gloucester outer-city housing estate nestling between incontinence and insanity that is home to a grey tsunami of geriatrics. It boasts a betting shop and a funeral directors and not much else, which is not surprising given that most of its inmates are housebound, glued to daytime television and poring over articles in […]

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Bolton… beyond the term “dreadful”

Living in Bolton, Greater Manchester

I luckily don’t live hereabout, but have been coming to see someone weekly over the last four years in this place called Bolton. I consider myself quite well travelled both in this country and abroad. I have witnessed some appalling places and sights in my 58 years, but with hand on heart, I have to […]

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Ilfracombe in North Devon – OMFG!

Living in Ilfracombe, Devon

Ilfracombe really does have excellent coastal scenery, the sea, and coastal walks. At the mo’ we’re house-sitting for family in Ilfracombe, aka Ilfrascum or Ilfradoom, so welcome to Poverty-on-Sea and another knackered resort reminiscent of that Viz cartoon: “Skegness – It’s f***** ****”. Never believe the brochures, but it’s not all bad. Blinding sunsets and […]

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Skegness – where northerners go to die (part 2)

Living in Skegness, Lincolnshire

All in all the locals, whilst obviously stark raving mad and having heads like dropped pies, are harmless enough. They largely prefer to stay indoors screaming at their televisions about how much they hate (in no particular order) foreigners (i.e. everyone not from Lincolnshire) city slickers from Lincoln, every ****** in Boston, them Wainfleet imbreds, […]

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Histon, Cambridge: you will never meet a duller bunch of **** candles

Living in Histon, Cambridge

It’s all about the pubs in this place and you will never meet a duller bunch of **** candles lingering around the bar at the King Bill Pub, anywhere else, within a 50 mile radius. The pub also has a back room where the ***** are segregated from the general population of mongrels at the […]

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Bury: a difficult place to like

Living in Bury, Greater Manchester

I lived in Bury from 2014 to 2017 and it was a real eye opener. Bury has its own perfume – Eau de Weed which is particularly noticeable between the Spotted Cow and the Old Crow on Bell Lane. These two pubs host their own live shows every Thursday to Sunday – ‘Night of the […]

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Kingswood, Bristol: Sounds like a great place to live, isn’t!

Living in Kingswood, Bristol

Most of the people who live in Kingswood fit into one of these four categories: a **** a mother with 4+ children which she has no control over some old bloke with type 2 diabetes, going to Parsons/Greggs every day someone who has tried to succeed in life, but has failed miserably Kingswood is always […]

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Seahouses: they only let you see what they want you to see

Living in Seahouses, Northumberland

Oh dear, Seahouses is a quite a village! You would never expect that such a small village could have such a shallow gene pool! Everyone talks about how beautiful it is, the coast, the sea, but no one is telling you of the horror! People in white vans try to challenging anyone on a race, […]

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Come to Weeting, we have a steam festival and that’s about it

Living in Weeting, Norfolk

Come to Weeting, Norfolk if you want to see nothing other than 9 year old wannabe gangsters, dog excrement covered streets and a bunch of eccentric yokels. Amazing what 1000 years of local breeding can do. On your arrival, after getting stuck at the station gates, obviously you will first see the “neighbourhood heroes” of […]

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Sholver, Oldham’s ****

Living in Sholver, Oldham

Sholver, one windswept winter’s night I found myself alone, cold and afraid on the streets of this **** smeared overspill. As the wind howled and the icy rain cut into me like one of the many discarded hypodermic needles scattered here and there, I heard a distant voice calling to me. At first I mistook […]

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A list of **** that you will have seen growing up in Hull

Living in Hull, East Yorkshire

Hull… *sigh* I was born in Hull, and lived there for 19 years until I decided I didn’t want to live in such a draining place anymore. This article is based on my overall reflection on what it was like to grow up in Hull, the list features some specifics, that some may argue could […]

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Dover – Most neglected unloved town in the UK

Living in Dover, Kent

Dover as we all know is the gateway to Europe, and most people that stop here for any reason are normally glad they can leave it behind very quickly, I mean C’mon if leaving the country and feeling safer in CALAIS of all places seem better – there’s something to be said about Dover! The […]

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