Living in Ilfracombe, Devon

Ilfracombe – The Dump in North Devon

Ilfracombe is one part scum, one part decent, and one part alcoholic holidaymakers in Wetherspoons during the holidays.

Living in Combe Martin, North Devon

Combe Martin: The zit on the arse of England

Farmers & caravan dwellers will especially feel at home in Combe Martin, an ideal retreat for anyone tired of life and sick of civilisation.

Living in Lanky, Devon

Landkey North Devon: best to pry it loose and let it float away, to France preferably

In a Landkey pub, the landlord looked at me as if I had already punched a person in the face and the rest of the people joined him.

Living in Northleach, Gloucestershire

Northleach: an olde worlde smokescreen masking drugs, depression & squalid inbreeding

Northleach: Populated by monosyllabic, grunting, inbred miscreants & Times reading, rugby shirt and waxed jacket clad London f*ckwits.

Living in Falmouth

Falmouth, the worst places have to be Old Hill and Acacia

Falmouth: This may seem like an ideal place to be, but there are areas that blight this town's image.