Living in Belper

Belper, known as “Brown Town” for its off-the-scale drug problem

Baseball caps are a necessity in Belper, as is hanging out in the memorial gardens in the centre of town, drinking White Lightning.

Living in Carlisle, Cumbria

Carlisle, so bad the Scots don’t want it back!

Carlisle: people with taste, decency, an education, self respect, no criminal record/warnings and a car worth more than £10 need not apply.

Living in Sittingbourne, Kent

Sittingbourne – a bleak wasteland between the M2 & the Isle of Sheppey

Imagine a flood-plane with paper mills, metal foundries and two McDonalds and you have Sittingbourne.

Living in Stirling, Scotland

What a complete and utter sh*tehole Stirling is…

Stirling. Not very pretty, is it? Nothing to recommend it, even the train station to help you get out is now plagued by drug-addled Neds begging for money, usually through intimidation.