Living in Sittingbourne
Written by Anonymous Visitor and posted in Kent, South East, United Kingdom

Ah Sittingbourne, the place with the 2nd highest teenage pregnancy rate in the country (narrowly beaten by Sheppey there) Not a lot has changed since I last wrote about the s******e, but I just want to follow up my comments, and correct a few others.

I’ve noticed that most visitors to the town seem to think that there is a population of 100% chav and/or p***y. It’s actually about 99%. True there is about 60 chavs to every road in the godforsaken s******e, but there is roughly one or two normal people in each road, we just choose to leave the town en-masse at weekends.

The chavs have taken on a new stomping ground in the past few months. They now “own” the strip of shops from Supreme Chicken down to Papa Johns Pizza at the Park Road end of the High Street.

The latest bit of total bollocks to come from the council is the building of a “shopping complex to rival Bluewater”. I just hope this means that chavs will be banned completely.

Finally, David Baddiel has hit the nail firmly on the head where the High Street is concerned. “A place where you feel overdressed with 2 ears.”



Signposts were installed around the town stating “IT’S HERE!!” informing the people of Sittingbourne (those who can read), what exactly is going to be built there.  Mock up CGI images where put into the local paper, “Look…A Starbucks!!” “What is this?!? Another McDonalds?” (and other exclamations of delight) the people said. It was met with a mixture of curiosity and general well being.


We now have a StarBucks nestled in between the Charity Shops.  People don’t order any Coffee there, they come in to use the free WIFI on their phones and helpfully ask the staff to “Go forth and multiply” when asked if they want anything. Greggs still do a cracking trade though.

The Signposts are due to come down as they are starting to rot and might cause some health and Safety hazard, and the crappy little two screen Cinema that was shut down to make way for the big shiny 8 screen Cinema, has had to be reopened due to the Council dithering over which chain of Cinema it wants (it changes every week).

Apart from that, everything is exactly the same as it always is…..Chavs and Pikeys living in (Dis)harmony, the delicious stink of arse produce and everyone else shuffling like Romero Zombies, desperately hoping that they could move somewhere else….anywhere but Sittingbourne!!

  • Mnky

    Another Update:

    The regeneration is back on as the government has stepped in and awarded some money (£35,000) to invest into the whole of Swale.

    WATCH THIS SPACE!!! says the consortium entrusted with polishing this turd, when? you may ask, “in 2017-2018” is the answer. So watch this space and don’t be disappointed when come 2017-2018, “This Space” has a fleet of Caravans with vicious Dogs tied with bits of rope on it.

  • Mnky

    Another update!!!!

    Everything is still the same, apart from the Morrisons is now up and running, oh and the re-design has been totally scrapped, the Architects gave up and buggered off due to the Council (too busy farting around with the design apparently).

    So what have we gained from this? A Morrisons nobody wanted, a hybrid of play/recreational area and construction site that no-one can use because of the Padlocked Steel gates and too many sticky-out jabby-pokey things, the same old high street steadily dying on it’s arse and more waste ground which has attracted even more p***y Caravans, to add to the burgeoning population of pikeys already in the town.

    Oh, and it still stinks of human waste when the sun and the wind is right!!! 🙁

  • Mnky

    In 2009, the Government advised Swale Borough Council to find a way to re-design Sittingbourne, “Make it more modern, more eye catching” they said. They were given some funding to help.

    It’s now 2012, and we have a half finished “Country Park”. Half of which is quite pleasant and the other half has bits of pipe, chicken wire and all other sorts of Building Materials sticking out everywhere. The Council says it’s finished and you would believe them (due to there being no work being done), aside from the Building Materials and the dirty great Iron Gate and Padlock on the main entrance.

    I thought I’d just update on the anal wart on the arsehole of England called Sittingbourne!!!

    Chavs and Pikeys are still here, we now have a Greggs and a Sports Direct (perfect places to spot chavs and pikeys. A Morrisons is being built by the railway and is going up pretty quickly, but still no signs of the re-design started in 2009.

    And yes the smell of Human Faeces can be enjoyed from the Water Treatment Plant when the wind is right.