Written by Anonymous Visitor and posted in Kent, South East, United Kingdom

I would like to welcome you to the ‘Fragrant S******e’ that is Shitingbourne. Home to a population of about 80% chav, with the rest being made up of grungers/goths/old people. Quite possibly the only town with good transport links to those chav meccas of Shitness on Sea and Chavham, it has the distinction of being quite possibly the only small town to have not one, but THREE branches of McDonalds. They range from mildly respectable (Mill Way) to complete s******e (Bobbing/High St). All 3 have a large base of chavs dining there, from the infant school mini chav to the retirement home ‘spandex crew’.

The local night life, imaginatively named ‘nitelife’ or preferably ‘shitelife’, is where the 11 to 18 yr old chav finds a wealth of other chavs (about 250-500 apparently). However, the 11 to 18 yr old chav is split up into sub groups, from the educated chav (with a borden grammar school or highsted education), middle chav (fulston manor/westlands education), lower chav (sittingbourne community centre or shitingbourne crime centre either is true), neutral (those who don’t class themselves as chavs) and the dreaded pikeys. Pikeys live in caravans, Quinton or Beirut (Middletune Av area for those who don’t know) they are more violent than your average chav, but much less intelligent.

They come from Sheppey mainly, but seem to be spreading more into Sittingbourne. Also, Sittingbourne is split in 2 by the main road through there. To the south, you get every single non chav, whereas in Milton Regis (technically the north) every single chav lives and breeds.

But, by far the most defining feature of chavdom in shitingbourne is the glorious (and aforementioned) Shitingbourne Crime Centre (SCC). I can’t describe this s******e, but viewing is strongly recommended.

I leave you with a delightful quote:
“If Sheppey is P***y Island, Chatham is P***y City, Rainham is P***y Village, Gillingham is P***y Town, then Sittingbourne is the f*****g p***y capital”.

Goodnight.

Recommended further reading:
The intrepid explorer’s guide to Sheerness on the Isle of Sheppey

  • Me

    i know of only 2 McDonald’s, the one in the high street went years ago! Good to know that people like calling themselves kids chav = child – look it up in a dictionary!

  • Kieren

    That’s a bit exaggerated to be fair it sounds like someones been bullied and not stood up for themselves and has decided to take it out on the Internet. You could live in a city or in another s******e country where murder and rape are everyday events so count your blessings. Also the pikeys don’t come from sheppey, you hardly ever see them on the island it’s more the other way around. Anyway, stop bitching, man up and if you hate it that much live somewhere else.

  • wanderer

    Having moved from Chatham to Sittingbourne, I was amazed to discover there were actually more ‘chavs’ in Sittingbourne. I’m pretty much the only person who actually works on my street.

  • Debra

    how dare you, I live in middletune avenue an I’m not a chav nor a p***y, it’s quiet round here, nothing like Beirut , sittingbourne is wat you make it, I find Milton very friendy, like a village family feel, local shops where shop keepers get to know you an chat to you.
    I see you are not brave enough to show your identity , most likely you would be lynched as most people in sittingbourne are normal decent people like me, working to pay our own way x

    • Lady

      Damn straight I have a degree I’m a foster carer and I’ve been a teacher and i love middletune avenue one of the most friendliest streets I’ve ever lived in. We all look out for one another I think the real person who lacks intelligence is the one writing this offensive crap. You yourself Mr “I know what I’m talking about.” Jumped up little twat. Another thing I worked at the so called Sittingbourne crime centre and actually it’s a fantastic school now and many kids have gone through to be extremely successful. So before you start spatting your unresearched crap. Do your home work.

    • Raven Kuchiki

      And that’s the response, ‘you would be lynched’. It’s ok to live if you are ‘one of them’, the rest of us have to put up with the chav/p***y mentality of all the Faaaaaamilies that live there.

  • oap

    Kent is bad enough to live in let alone Swale. I know why I moved away from London but I should have stuck it out. Make sure that should anyone you speak to says they are considering moving to Kent or god help us Swale just tell them that are better off dead.

  • Pretty much the truth. I also abide in this glorious s******e, and even I, a member of one of the most prestigious grammar schools in Kent, am a Chav. To be a chav, you must feel the chav within your soul- sauntering to school with your skirt too high, blazer undone, and swear words almost floating from your pierced lips. In all honestly, most of us act like Donovan from the Inbetweeners.