Living in Princes Risborough
Written by Anonymous Visitor and posted in Buckinghamshire, South East, United Kingdom

Take a classic small English market town in the London commuter belt. Bolt an enormous post-war pre-fab council estate onto the side and fill with scum. That’s Princes Risborough.

This estate is so incredibly downmarket they actually had Sky television in the eighties before the dishes came out – it got pumped in by wire by some unscrupulous company. There are several prominent and extremely inbred chav dynasties based there, though in fairness the last murder between them – involving a hatchet – happened back in the nineties. There is isn’t much to do in Risborough, choices for the discerning young yob are:

  1. Hang around in Budgens car park, letting down car tyres and intimidating any lone women.
  2. Barricade the library French-fisherman-style with their prams.
  3. Attempt to set fire to the skating half-pipe in Wades Park.
  4. Buy a donna-kebab and wipe kebab-fat across shop windows in the high street.
  5. Being fat and stupid. And ugly.
  6. Drinking in the local playground (across the road from Budgens carpark) and chucking bottles around.
  7. Cutting themselves.

Sadly they can’t hang around the local Spar any more because it shut. People with money were too afraid to go there.

The local thickos usually start their criminal records while at “Top School”, the local secondary modern cesspit (anyone who can read goes to a local grammar school or comprehensive instead). Upon leaving at the first opportunity they mostly become apprentices at Molins, a factory that makes cigarette-making machinery. After fifteen years sweeping the floors there they try a few weeks at the Esso garage before signing on. They generally die in their mid-to-late forties.

Hot-spots: the entire town centre, estate (on the north side of the town), petrol station and all public amenities. Nice people do live in the town, they just stay away from the town centre as much as possible. The shops are dying as a result and soon the town will resemble the wasteland in “Escape From LA”.

Should you find yourself there, just keep driving.

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  • John Hoy

    Strange – we have lived here for ten years, and moved here because it is simply an absolutely beautiful, picturesque british village – well designed, attractive and peaceful.

    May you are talking about Aylesbury?

    The only police we see are smiling at us, at the only film crews we see are here to record it as a Downton Abbey style background.

  • New executive travel business in risborough

  • Jason

    WOT YOU ON?!

    Bruv dont mess wit me or my town innit… Da Rizbrua crew dont no u

  • Bobsyouruncle

    If this person thinks Princes Risborough is bad I’d given them about five seconds life expectancy in Luton.

    Princes Risborough has exactly the opposite problem of chavs……posh tw*ts who want to be chavs because it’s aspired to in a kind of “reverse-cool” thing.

    Mate, seriously Princes Risborough is little, and nice compared to Luton, Middlesborough, Hull, Newcastle, Toxteth (look it up), bradford, Stoke on trent, leeds or Croydon.

    I’ve seen them all and you my friend would last a minute.

  • Mart in Risborough

    What a load of tosh. I’ve lived in a fair few places and Risborough is the most gentle of all. I’ve been here 10 years and in no way is it a chavtown. Perhaps the original poster has lived a sheltered life! Princes Risborough is a pleasant old fashioned market town where people care about how the town looks, it’s community and the general level of enjoyment people get out of it. Most of the properties in the area are privately owned, the kids seem educated, polite and non violent. There are lots of park spaces for all ages although getting anywhere is a trek for those without transport as bigger towns are miles away and the bus service is expensive and very limited. The trains are equally pricey. It has one of the lowest crime rates in the south-east. The only real chav element are visitors from Wycombe and Aylesbury with their loud Golfs and Polos who seem to think they are in competition to annoy everyone in earshot of the A4180. I don’t spend much time in the big estate but it is the poorer end of the town without much drama. The estate isn’t pretty but it isn’t a slum either. There are very few police sirens going off in Risborough. The town is filled with a lot of elderly people and a lot of well off professionals who commute into well paid London jobs. There is a fair bit of local employment too so things are not remotely desperate here like many places I’ve lived in. I do like the area and have no plans to move away.

  • Ferguson

    So bang-on its scarey. I lived their for 3 years which I won’t ever get back. Nasty little place.

  • RisboroughGirl

    OY!

    its not that bad!! That estate your on about isnt as bad as you make out, i was brought up there and my family still lives there!

    Theres a few exceptions but dont judge us all by your low standards!!

    • Jj

      Lovely market town with leisure centre and church near to the market square. A few Indian restaurants and lovely Italian restaurant off the high street. Has its own butchers, post office and library with quite a few coffee shops. Tesco, Marks and Spencer and a couple of lloyds pharmacys also Kados a nice shop for gifts. Good bus routes for Aylesbury or Wycombe.

      Kopp hill climb in September each year draws in many visitors.