Living in Pinxton, Derbyshire
Written by Anonymous Visitor and posted in Derbyshire

Pinxton is one of those places where time seems to have stood still; the place reminds you of the 1970’s. It’s still got an old-school Laundromat and I swear to god that Woodfield Road was used in the council flat scene for the film ‘’Rita, Sue & Bob Too’’

Pinxton boasts the finest aquatics & reptile shop in the country, it’s like a Sealife centre for scrubbers and is normally packed out most weekends with the locals taking full advantage of the free entrance fee.

If fish isn’t your thing then why not try out one of Pinxton’s brothels, there’s one at the top of Alfreton Road if you like your battered old slapper types and the [name removed for legal reasons] (you’ll find it on Google) if you’re feeling a bit flush; they even have a percentage refund if you blow your load in under 20 minutes and disabled toilet facilities too.

Pinxton has some of the finest pubs in the area too. There used to be more but The Miners Arms was taken over by a tribe of Chinese people and turned into a house. Both the Sun Inn and the Three Horse Shoes are in easy staggering distance of each other on Town Street, the beer’s pretty cheap and there are always a few regulars with a bag of M-Cat who love to share. Some bloke called [named removed for legal reasons] [allegedly] sells coke too if your looking for something a bit more up-market.

If you’re looking to pull, pickings are dire in the Pubs of Pinxton except a few fat old mingers, but not to worry, on a weekend at the top of the Recreational Ground you’ll normally find a dozen or so pissed up [16 and over] teenagers who’ll nosh anybody off for a bottle of white lightning, they’ll melt in your hand too if you offer to give them a ride in your car.

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Pinxton is also a local cultural hub for the Gypsy community with at least two Campsites in the village and other clans living in houses next to their caravan loving Brothers & Sisters & Aunts & Uncles & Cousins 2nd removed etc etc.

The local gym is pretty good too; it’s run by the local BNP representative and it’s very cheap at £30 per year membership fee. There are [allegedly] sharps bins for when you’ve finished with your roid needles are located in the toilets, just in case you were wondering.

We’ve got the best co-op around, recently fitted out very nicely and the local junior school has just come out of Offsted Special Measures, so things are looking up.

Welcome to Pinxton.