Living in Motherwell
Written by Anonymous Visitor and posted in North Lanarkshire, Scotland, United Kingdom

i had the misfortune to live in Motherwell during my formative teen years, and also met my now ex-wife there(so i suppose i am slightly biased).

Motherwell is between Hamilton and Bellshill, and seems to attract most of the pond life from there and other satellite towns so they can congregate in “strathy park”. now don’t let the “park” bit of the description mislead you, most of the green space is used up by dead tramps, used needles and empty buckfast (or fu*k fast) bottles, and as such i would not recommend taking the kids down for a picnic.

If you manage to treck through the no-mans land inhabited by gold wearing saliva dripping monkeys without getting mugged/stabbed/infected/leg humped, you will come across an “amusement park” (i use the term very loosely) which is a mecca to the pram pushing chavettes, all looking for the father of their offspring (as most of them were conceived in the adjacent car park). They remind me of salmon, returning to the place of their birth to spawn more little snotty nosed primark clothed under nourished (fruit pastells are not part of your five a day)little darlings. to be fair, its not the kids fault…..when your main role model is “anna marie, fae the moerwell young crew” who loves nothing more than letting drugged up chavs sh*ag them, then knock them about, and whos main highlight is nothing more than to skip to the local asian corner shop on giro day, and buy as many richmond fags and buckfast as her “brew” will allow. so all in all, avoid Motherwell, in fact, avoid Lanarkshire, in fact (and as a scotsman i say this with a heavy heart) avoid the south of Scotland all together.

[Updated 2016]
Well things have been improving, most of the jaykays have moved out of the park and up to the local restaurant in the town centre (McDonalds eatery). If you want to use the park and ride facilities in Motherwell then forget it, all the cheapskates from Hamilton cross the dual carriageway to use our free parking policy and as there are no traffic wardens after wee Jimmy retired 10 years ago, you can park across any driveways you wish providing your car will still drive without wheels.

The Ravenscraig site is finally beginning to see new homes being built, the former steel work site was so contaminated with old metal waste that it took over 20 years for the p***y’s lovely travelling folk, tinks and the local thieving b…..ds to clear the area.

The town centre shopping area is looking better after Asda moved to their custom built store taking most of the pram pushing chavettes with them. Asda managed to close down the Coop store and WH Smith by under cutting them both, there was no newsagent in the town centre for quite a while.

On the down side there is traffic jams in the town centre once more, the concrete paving has been ripped up and been replaced by wider pavements of cathness slabs , the most expensive slippy paving money can buy, on a good rainy day if you time it right at any one moment there will be at least two oap’s lying on their back murmuring fu.king pavements shite!. The taxis use the taxi ranks ,parking bays and loading bays all at once, they treat Muir street like a car park and prevent the buses and any commercial traffic from getting through with their selfish don’t give a s**t attitude, so don’t expect to get up Hamilton road in a hurry. The pedestrian precinct on Merry street is now used by all the lazy drivers  cutting through the bus lane no entry sign, this now causes a traffic jam in the other direction through the cross, so don’t expect the bus to get you anywhere fast.

The town centre jaykays can still be easily identified by their blue bucky bags, they tend to shout out very loudly at no one in particular ‘you’re a fu.king arseho.e’ , they usually walk about pairs and have a face that looks like they have used it to stop a lawnmower blade. They love to scare women , kids and young female shop assistants, they are the scum of Motherwell and are a perfect example of why police brutality should be allowed. If you ever come across one, [imagine that you’d like to -Ed] boot him in the balls first before calling him a fu.king arseho.e.

  • J

    Can I just point out that I have lived in Motherwell for my entire life which is 25 years this year & the above statement & comments are absolutely ridiculous!! Yes it had its bad points but the entire town shouldn’t be put down by anyone for them.

  • delly welly

    South Motherwell is very nice and has a lot of old sandstone and listed buildings. Hamilton road/Avon St/Airbles road and all surrounding areas are very nice also. Strathclyde park is an excellent facility as is the Duchess park. Like a lot of towns up and down the UK it does bare scars of an industrial past (and the comments regarding the Town centre itself are sadly very true – horrible experience) however its pretty much the last MAJOR town on the M74 all the way South to Carlisle, it is on the edge of the world heritage site Clyde valley, and coupled with excellent transport links, central location and neighbouring and very beautiful South Lanarkshire (Biggar, New Lanark, Falls of Clyde, Tinto/Wiston,Chateuherault and Avon Gorge to name but a few) Motherwell is far from the Orwellian nightmare posited by some of the previous posters. If you arrived after living in say Stafford upon Avon all you life, sure, you’d maybe say “it’s a bit rough” but like most places it has got nice parts and not so nice parts. Go and live in some parts of London and then come back and tell me how bad Motherwell is. NOTHING WRONG WITH THE PLACE!!

  • wtf !!!

    Im from just outside Motherwell, and i think some of the people leaving comments about motherwell are going a bit over the top. Its not that bad like everywhere, theres good areas and bad areas. You people need to get off of your high horses and stop being so f**king stuck up! jeez, soo ayye git it right up yeez !

  • Euan

    Hi,I have the pleasure of living in Motherwell and am 14.Let me tell you Motherwell is the worst place in Scotland.At school littel timmy and tammy scumbag is the same,they don’t do any work and lazy about in their brightly coloured tracksuit.I’m telling you this as soon as i’m 18 Motherwell will be behind me and shall never have to see the disgusting chavs and chavettes again.Ha LOL.

  • Mezza

    as a non native to Scotland i had the pleasure of staying in Motherwell for a short stint.

    As far as chavvy goes- absolutely so! i was there in the “offseason” so the weather was especially dismal. making strathy not so busy. the morons i was with took me froa stroll in the DARK as well.

    went to a chippy in the town center. was pretty sad. i used to think mcdonalds in some parts of harlem were bad. this was probably worse.

    all in all nothin to do there (this includes optimal hours of sunlight and annoying b**stards who talk about Scottish premier league 24/7) so no wonder its crime ridden and full of chavs.

  • unknown

    I think the commets above are very untrue, motherwell is like any other place. I have lived in it for almost 20 year and i think its a great place just like anywhere else in lanarkshire. It may not look the part but thats gettin sorted.
    so get it ryt up use…………….

    • You’ll get sorted any mare ae yer pish

  • Wellian

    I think the reason nobodt from Motherwell has commented yet may have something to do with having to answer a maths question to get your comment approve. Also the ability to write.

    Sadly Motherwell and the surrounding area is a sh*t hole, or, as the French would say, “Trou de Merde” – this should be written below every sign in Lanarkshire as a warning. Most locals would just assume that is was a twin town.

    The best advice I can give you if you have to visit Motherwell (or “Murwul” if you want to fit in) is to avoid Bradnon Parade “The Heart of Motherwell” at all costs, especially on weekday afternoons. This is when then the gymslip mum comes out in full force so she can get 3-month-old Chantelle’s ears pierced at Claires – she may not know who the daddy is, but you can’t deny that gold hoops on a baby makes a bold statement. You will not be able to move for prams covered in fag ash and smelling of tonic wine. “The Heart of Motherwell” is sadly diseased, it’s arteries are clogged and it’s beating is similar to that of a truly awful “Scooter” track.

    • ye were conceived tae a scooter track mate