Living in Eastleigh, Hampshire
Written by Anonymous Visitor and posted in Hampshire, South East, United Kingdom

Ok, so Eastleigh is by no means the worst places in Britain (I’m thinking it’s possibly Paulsgrove, Portsmouth) but it is well worth a mention if only for the ‘Chav per square mile ratio’; Beastleigh is comparatively small to that of neighbouring Southampton, but it stands brimming proudly with all that is chav, clutching to the little glory it has.

I’m certain there would be far more entries supporting this claim, other than ‘kevwag’s’ very accurate depiction of this ‘armpit of a town’, however the Beastleigh folk can’t read or write, and have yet to fathom the art of communicating coherently, poor sods.

It is possibly the only place where their shopping centre dons the slogan: ‘The Place to Meet’. Are we talking about a pub, a park maybe, maybe even a community centre? Nah mush, the ultimate in all that is Chav, a shopping precinct!

In all honesty there isn’t much for the Beastleigh folk to do, so meeting “dan Lizzie Duke” sounds like a lot of fun. There’s a skate park and several smaller skanked-up parks but very little else; hence the reason all public telephone booths have been bricked and old ladies get tied to lampposts. However, Beastleigh council recognised the lack of entertainment in their parts and so introduced ‘Help Points’ around the city centre. What? A ‘Help I’m-bored-what-shall-I-do-to-occupy-my-time Point?’ Not exactly, it’s a ‘Help! Some-bored-smackhead-f*cker-has-beaten-the-s**t-out-of-me Point’. I kid you not:

With Help Points such as these, Beastleigh must reign supreme on the anti social behavior front – even London (bar Hyde Park etc) doesn’t have a one-button link to the cop shop in times of trouble. Though oddly, amidst the violence and crime aplenty, a gleaming Chopper bike (albeit a re-issue) stands proudly chained to a pole outside Stones pub, untouched… every day… a truly remarkable sight!

It is what you make of it nice areas on the outskirts and most importantly pubs that show the rl league, Union and cricket what else could a group of sanzaus want beer sports and boguns got love the place!

A conversation between a Beastleigh mum (19?) with her young son (2?) who seemed utterly incapable of talking properly. They were near McDonalds:

Son: “ba, ba, ba, ba, baaa” (Loving it)
Mum: “Not now Tyson. We’ll see if I got any pennies left over from me social an we’ll come dane later”

  • browner69chav

    this is browner and dykey and tickner and the whole of ebk chattin ere and jsut to let you all know we dnt tie old woman up to lapposts and if we did tie people to them it would be gribbleys cause we hate them.we all rule eastleigh.we get in bare fights on the think football factorys good come and see us fight in gangfs dem.laterz

  • booldawg

    The only thing Eastleigh council is efficient at is slapping a parking ticket on your windscreen. I mean, where else in the UK do traffic wardens work until 8pm in residential areas?

  • booldawg

    Eastleigh – its reminds me of the intro to Coronation Street, when the camera pans over a sea of grimy looking terraced roofs, all uniformly put together in an oppresive, depressing style of architechure.

    Its a little bit of grim industrial Northern England placed on the South coast without the cheap house prices and sense of community.

    You can always tell the socio-economics of a place by the shops it has there. Eastleigh is proud to boast a plethora of bargain-bucket, dole stretching retail establishments such as Iceland, B-wise, Lidl, The Pound Shop, Ca$h Converters and more charity shops and fast food outlets than I would care to mention.

    The town has totally nothing going for it and never will do, everytime a planning proposal is submitted to improve anything it is overturned by the imposing grip that the Airport has over the town. Shame, as someone else on here said, the place does has potential.

  • fok_and_wot

    theyre aint f**k all wrong wit eastleigh, u lot make it out to sound so much worse than what it actualy is!!!

  • dwmc

    Nice work Alaine! 🙂