Living in Dover, Kent
Written by Anonymous Visitor and posted in Kent, South East, United Kingdom

Let us for a moment imagine that the British Isles are the sihouette of an old man.  Scotland is his cap, Cornwall his toes, Anglia his curved spine making Dover his herpes infested s**t-hole.  When questioned, most people will remark that they have been through Dover but never stopped off “daaaaaaaaahn taaaaaaahn,” as the city centre is known locally.  Dover has been through many stages in its development to reach its present day chavley splendor.

From the heady days of the eighties tobacco boot-legging epidemic to the present day influx of Eastern European immigrant dole-sponges, Dover has always enjoyed a vibrant multi-cultural atmosphere.  During the eighties the sheer volume of scouse, benefit fraudsters earning a living buying and selling duty free tobacco, spirits and drugs boosted the local economy to such dizzying heights that various Liverpudlian customs and linguistic traits were adopted by the local folk.  The ease at which these Northern chav brethren were assimilated was partly due to their cultural similarity.  Fighting, “gobbing,” drinking in the street during the day and living off the state are all popular pass times in Liverpool I am reliably informed.

Dover already boasted a rich cultural heritage of it’s own before these new arrivals.  The annual Dover Pageant is the high-light on every Dovorian’s calendar.  Quaint customs such as pelting or “lozzing” copper coins at the Beauty Queens travelling atop the crate paper  floats is heartily indulged by the audience.

New visitors to Dover may some times be surprised at the common occurrence of physical deformities among the local populace.  One must bear in mind that there is an effluent out flow pipe located one mile from the popular local beach and that pregnancy among smoking teenagers is high above the national average.  As one pregnant local teenager remarked whilst smoking a large skunk spliff, “yer weeel, I only gotta few weeks ta gow until I’m due, innit!”

Another local feature is the Paratroopers military base on Conaught hill.  These plucky young boys enjoy a night out on the tiles fighting local chavs, knocking up local chavettes, simulating anal sex on the local dance floors and other such japery.

When my local town was featured on “Drunk Britain” it swelled my chest with pride.

So please if you’re ever in the area and fancy a visit, pop down to Dover and sample some “culcha.”


  • ALFAGROUP-M

    Living in Dover (population 40К) more than six years I clearly understand why this small town is called the capital of racism and homosexuality in Dover. According statistics in Dover District is living about 2% of non British, but the attitude against “non british” is simply appalling.

    I agree with those who do not like constantly smoking marijuana gypsy groups from Folkestone Road / Clarendon areas. But when I hear complains from young French or Dutch tourists about an aggressive behavior from local drunk people who called them f****g migrants – it is much too.

    I am a witness of numerous racist attacks, especially at the night time in the pubs and places of entertainment, when the local drunk begin to offend or beat “non british” – everyone will tell you in confidence that this happens quite often. Local police have for a long time aware of the problems, in most cases purchasing they explain that it is better not to write a statement.

    The best described Dover – nice surrounding area, but people not well. Of course this does not apply to areas such as River or Whitfield.

  • Peter Ward

    I was born and raised in Dover and being nearly 40 feel sad about the above comments.
    Yes Dover has gone down Hill but soon things should change with the seafront redevelopment with Cine World, frankie and bennys, marks and spencers already on board also new sports centre on the Agenda.
    Dover Still has a beautiful seafront with Cullans yard with amazing Marina views to Hythe bay boasting sea views.
    Not to mention the Heritage in town such as the beautiful Dover Castle.
    Yes there is a lot of people of all cultures but this is the the country not just Dover and sad to see so much hatred to mostly geniune people from war torn places.
    I moved away for a few years and missed the town walking along the pier enjoying the stunning sea views.

  • ScottishTourist

    Dover is so sophisticated. The prostitutes speak Albanian, French, German, and even Serb, not to mention pimp sign language.

    This must be the worst town in the entire UK.

    I can’t believe I am staying here.

  • Lawrence Olivier

    Hi, you have forgotten to mention one of Dover’s cultural highlights and the attraction to many in the surrounding areas; dogging. That is the meeting in public places for sex with strangers. Unfortunately they have cut back the bushes and trees overlooking the children’s play area but there are many other places to enjoy.

  • DoverChav1992

    What you lot goin on bout Dovers a great place to live you got empty shops nothin to do fights, immigrants (a hole road dedicate to then) chavs, emos, alcoholics (short smelly German lady called crazy kat, 6 foot black man that shouts out funny sh*t at you called drunken gorge, a mentaly retarded marathon runner called running Keith and 60 year old pervert that sings songs to young girls called john) what more could you want – im one of those chavs that this article goes on bout and just wanna say ”shut ya mouf. ya startin?” look Tbh Dover is a sh*thole but its my sh*thole, I’ve lived here for 19 years and unless you actually know the town personally or for more than 5 years then don’t make an article from first glimpses.

  • Blockhead

    I must say as a proud Dover resident of 3 years how startlingly accurate your brief run through of the major Dover attractions is. You forget to mention Pencester Park though, where the lucky visitor may enjoy a not too sauntry stroll through the communal epicentre of the town, feeling almost safe amongst a varied selection of chavs, alcoholics and drug addicts alike

  • Gabriella Coscia

    As someone raised in Deal and going to school in Dover, Dover used to be a nice place until the late 80’s. The shops were varied not just chains and London Road used to be vibrant a Sainsbury’s , Ron Player’s menwear a small KFC two banks in Tower Hamlets.

    Now when I go to Dover, I feel out of place, there is no money, high rates of deprivation, shootings in Dover yes shootings now, and so many immigrants. It is very intimidating and I do not feel safe in Dover.

    Sadly, Dover is in steep decline and an incompetent council plus a motorway cutting through the town makes it the gateway to and from Britain in more ways than one. I didn’t want to use the word axxehole as that isn’t very lady like. Again, Dover could be better. Britain’s problems stems sadly from our governments both labour and tory and sadly the educational system. Sad that so many people have suffered.

  • George_Byrne

    Wow! You can spot spelling mistakes and underline them. Clever.

  • George_Byrne

    Oh, good. Another racist party.

  • George_Byrne
    Ts1 Mafia…

    Idiot. Brainless f**king idiot.

  • billthebastard

    Hence the title!

    B x

  • paulkersey

    I have a solution – Hand out leaflets outside McDonalds or actually put your policies on the drinks they flog, surely one person in there can read. Failing that tell everyone they must vote at the post office before collecting their benefits. I think the latter is the more effective option.

  • Ts1Mafia

    Ts1 Mafia are taking over tha UK and takin over Tony Blair and Labour, Ts1 Mafia are a new party which everybody needs to vote for in tha next British Election in order to make our world a better place!