Living in Coalville
Written by Anonymous Visitor and posted in East Midlands, Leicestershire, United Kingdom

Coalville, or ‘Co-ville’ as it is known in regional dialect is a small town located in the midlands, and would seem to be a prime location for ‘Chav’ or ‘Illegal immigrant’ spotting. The other percentage of the population of Coalville seems to be made up of old age pensioners or simply those who are verging on the brink of insanity. The whole town seems to have a depressing feel to it, and most of the time the inhabitants seem to walk around in a zombie like state, probably from the sheer boredom and dismal atmosphere of the place.

Chav’s can usually be found hanging around the ‘Belvoir’ shopping centre, which offers a variety of shops, such as select, and new look. There is also an ‘Argos’, for Chav’s to kit themselves out in the latest of ‘bling’, from gold clown pendants, sovereign rings to creole earrings of all sizes. Coalville also offers a Scuba Diving equipment shop, a range of take aways including a Turkish restaurant, and a college, Stephenson College, or ‘Stevos’. The recently closed down Snibston discovery park has just made the town ten times worse , every chav is flogging to the cv park and hanging around the local maccies with allegedly their illicit drugs, thinking they own the place.

If Coalville were to be summed up as a smell, that smell would be of urine, damp dog, and cheap cider.

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  • pat moon

    This is not a very nice thing to say about this town.lets hope writer does not have tbecome an OAP then.

  • noneofyourbusiness

    Who wrote this purile pile of twod?? I assume that you are an uneducated idiot of a snob. It has everything a small town should need, is located well for local universities and cities and is a short journey from motorway links. Have you taken a trip into Leicester recently? Why is Coalville any worse (for it is not) and not to mention housing prices are much more reasonable. I suggest you get your head out of your bum hole and look at other areas that are chavtastic. I have been in Coalville a short time and have found it friendly and that is all that matters.

  • cjb

    And what about the 99.9 per cent of blokes (ie normal men) whose night outs do not consist of violence?

  • Rory Legget

    Coalville is also imbred beyond belief.

  • Paul

    Coalville is a good place, its no better or worse than any other small town, with the usual mix of people you would find anywhere. Its got a great position in the midlands, which is demonstrated by the number of haulage and distribution companies around so work should not be a problem. Curiously, the previous reviews seem to want it both ways, on the one side its boring, and on the other sounds like a lively nightlife. Sounds and feels sort of balanced to me. I have lived here for 6 years with my 4 children, they are all straight A students and although know many colourful words are courteous and hard working.
    Coalville is the largest town between Loughborough and Ashby, so the local feeder villages like Ibstock, Whitwick, Bardon etc which do not have the facilities of Coalville appreciate them. The Coalville library is fantastic, and the local Ford garage, Motors of Coalville, is great for car rental by the day, parts and servicing etc. No, I do not work there.

  • Gecko

    I had the unenviable task of dropping off stock there once.
    My car was broken into in the day time.
    And the man I was meant to speak to was not there; due to being bitten the night before in a pub fight.
    I said that was terrible,he responded with the unusual comment that it was not the first time.
    The best thing about this place is the way out.
    But remember it’s not the place it’s the people.

    It’s nothing that can’t be sorted out with a large quantity of napalm.

  • paul

    the w**ker who wrote this has got to be a gay p**i F**K YOU

  • CoalvillesFinest

    Coalville maybe boring in the day but its mint by night. Its a blokes night out by farr!! Cheap women cheap beer plenty of kebab houses and a fight to put the icing on the cake! Now any bloke in the right mind would agree! Regardless of it being a sh*tole. I damn well love the place! Only let down is no blokes shops part from burtons cayman reed(overly priced) and top casual. Oh yea and the stinking pikeys. Enuff said, coalville is the way forward if ur nights out consist of beer sex and violence

  • George.

    Lee J, you are a f**king prick. You clearly know nothing about ashby, coalville agreed, 100% sh*thole but ashby is nothing like that, so keep your opinions to yourself you f**king c**k.

  • lee johnson

    coalville is pretty bad, some of the kids struggle to string a sentence together my mate describes it as the bar from star wars full of freaks and aliens. Ashby de la zouch is on the rise though, the main market street is ok, but hood park and stowe close is bad, kids pushing kids in prams, lots of tracksuit wearing benefit thieves and why wouldnt you be if your parents have a free house, large hd tv and dont work, just have your self some kids and continue to cycle, drugs are easy to obtain up concrete jungle also, mind you alot of these chavs have been relocated to a new development on smisby rd, i would hate to live opposite a guy who is not paying rent or mortgage in the same style house as me. Makes you sick, most of the young unemployed know the system inside out and fake back injury or other hard to disprove illness’s to get incapacity benefit.

  • B

    Well it might be boring and quite a sh*t hole, but its not that bad ,yes you get chavs but mostly in the greenhill area, thats where bost inbreds are ! i have never heard or seen anyone being beaten up or robbed on the street, and it doesnt always smell of urine :/

  • Regretful Visitor

    Ahh, The Peoples’ Republic of Coalville, you’ve summed it up well!

  • Nicky

    I fully agree that Coalville is a very boring place.Dont get me wrong,most people are friendly,And they will talk to anybody who will listen to them,but it is VERY old fashioned,and i dont think they even know what Modern/Fashion means.Most people are old age pensioners,and i wouldnt live ther even if you paid me to.It is full of inbreads.What a Depressing hole!!!.we all call it Inbread City.Most of the teenagers look like they are from the 1950″s Mongoliens.with more spots than a current bun.Emporium is a very bad nightclub,the coalvillians gather in groups and intimidate you if you if you dont look like a coalville mongolian!!!,challanging you to a good punch up.As you say,you dont often get out without a good punch.or a glass in your face.AVOID like a good fart.!!!

  • bernwa

    i live in coalville; and would be horribly offended, but its true!

    for the record im 26yo and thankfully (and amazingly) i haven’t been glassed, robbed or beaten to a pulp with a pool cue; but i have been in many a brawl outside the world famous ’emporium’ and can confirm that it is a centre for drugs, violence and other anti-social behaviour…

    id move if i could afford it!

  • kieran

    bahahaha im from whitwick which is right next to coalville , you forgot to mention about the local nightclub ’emporium’ which is just a portal into chavland , once your in those doors the only way your geting out is once youv been glassed,punched,raped or atleast spat at or tricked to drink p*ss’

  • Gee

    Hey hey hey……I think that both the National Union of Damp Dog Sitters and the Cheap Cider Company of GB would have something to say about this!!