Levenshulme: The Great Scally-Hipster War

Living in Levenshulme, Greater Manchester

I’ve lived in this little sh*thole of despair all my life. Traditionally a haven for the standard Manchester scally; Adidas tracksuit, crappy old banger, let’s not dwell on it. Lately the dreaded hipsters have moved from their habitat in the Northern Quarter to the working-class areas of Manchester. The f*ckwits [“lovely journalists” – Ed] over […]

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Ashton under lyne, into the mouth of madness and straight out of the other end

Living in Ashton under Lyne, Greater Manchester

Once upon a time,in the forgotten land of Tameside there was a strange little town called Ashton under lyne. In this town there was once a thriving outdoor market, good shops and nightlife. Thanks to the powers that be and a few numpties, all that magic has gone forever. Now it’s Mos Eisley and the […]

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Saddleworth is not Yorkshire and you’re not Alan Sugar

Living in Saddleworth, Greater Manchester

Green green Saddleworth. Where you can escape the harsh reality from what is commonly known as Hiroshima little boy (Oldham). Saddleworthians are easily spotted in a crowd amongst their fellower Oldhamer’s. They’re the ones who have fake accents, no wit and a false sense of superiority. Yes if you like a bit of bullshit and […]

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Mossley, home of the ‘Who’s got the most toes competition’

Living in Mossley, Greater Manchester

Whether you’re from top or bottom Mossley, there was always an issue of who is the most superior life form. With ***** who don’t have the complications of the inner city chavery to cloud their empty minds, their justification for territory extends to ********** characteristics such as who’s dad has six toes or who’s Uncle […]

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Blackpool, a bog-log bobbing adventure by the sea

Living in Blackpool, Lancashire

I was enchanted as a child by the fairground wonderland of Blackers. The promenade, the pleasure beach, the trams and the illuminations. Now even the thought of visiting this 10th rate smack-****** ********, grotty, STD happy shi@hole, makes me rather have root canal work done! I think Blackers has a tolerance limit of 4 hours, […]

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Liverpool: A sort of Purgatory for Individuality

Living in Liverpool, Merseyside

I suppose I should preface this by saying I speak nothing like any of the ******, ********** characters that populate this particular city of the UK. I have the accent of someone from down South and as such, receive various insults about me ‘sounding posh’. My Mother hails from this city but actually has morals, […]

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Reddish: The Ghetto of Greater Manchester

Living in Reddish, Stockport, Greater Manchester

Welcome to Reddish, an outlying slum of the town of Stockport and the home to many ***** and council house clutter. There, you can get up to many activities, such as getting robbed by a group of *****. They will often retreat to their area of congregation, Houldsworth Square, to sell your stolen items, or […]

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Swinton is a sewer, moved here from Macclesfield, big mistake!

Living in Swinton, Greater Manchester

Just wanted to post about a town I lived in 2 years ago, Swinton. I moved here from Macclesfield as I already hated Macc and wanted to move closer to friend. Big mistake! The first day I was walking through the precinct I was attacked by an old man (Looked homeless) and said he’d leave […]

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Blackpool: The seaside hole of littered beaches and benefit bums

Living in Blackpool, Lancashire

There are so many wonderful things in Blackpool. The littered beaches, the adorable little orchin children, and the peculiar smell of fish from the council flat round the corner. People say you learn from your mistakes, but if that were true Blackpool wouldn’t have a population. Want to lighten your load? Well visit Blackpool, where […]

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Rochdale: A complete abomination occupying the map of Greater Manchester

Living in Rochdale, Greater Manchester

Majority of the residents disdain this town. The sole act of living here, and even being associated with Rochdale is a disgrace. Not for trivial, but rather major reasons. In fact, the (not so) respectful residents may just happen to be the contributory factor! Possessors of low IQ, users of unknown speech codes, devoted to […]

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Blackpool: The Seaside Town They Forgot To Close Down

Living in Blackpool, Lancashire

Blackpools a holdover from a different time. A time when every single one of us unlucky people were stuck on this awful island and flights to somewhere halfway decent was reserved to only the richest among us. Back then in these “days of yore” Blackpool was visited by all kinds of hard-working British families for […]

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Chorley the **** crack of Satan’s drug dealer

Living in Chorley, Lancashire

After arriving in Chorley in 1980 my life became a depressed mountain of misery and boredom. The once thriving nightlife now reduced to a few stinking scabby pubs and some stupid so called micro bars that sell ridiculously overpriced cat piss. If your unlucky enough to find one of the festering dives that have live […]

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