Living in Birkenhead
Written by Anonymous Visitor and posted in Merseyside, North West, United Kingdom

Birkenhead is a town full of scallies. scallies which in my case are lower than any breed of chav, but these scallies are merging into chavs which could make birkenhead a very dangerous place for any non-tracksuit wearing person to enter.

How to spot a girl scally/chav in Birkenhead

  1. She will be the brightest shade of orange, this is a popular trend in Liverpool and birkenhead for chavettes. They love showing off their ‘tan’ which is either a cheap false tan from savers or from as-many-as-you-can-get minutes during the happy hour in the local sun beds. (may i add in birkenhead and Liverpool i challenge you to walk 20 metres without coming across a sun bed salon).
  2. They’ll be wearing lots of ‘bling’, usually which is bought from a place called ‘assesorize palace’ which is located in birkenhead town centre. here you can buy anything from massive diamonte-studded crosses to knuckle dusters once again emblazoned with diamontes all from just £1, which goes to show why its such a growing trend, needless to say i’ve still seen groups of chavettes shoving rings and necklaces into their pockets.
  3. They’ll be wearing all the latest ‘fashion’ from birkenhead market. All these girls are sheep, they follow eachothers trends and nobody is different. You may also see them sporting a Lacoste tracksuit.
  4. They have poker-straight beach blond or dark hair.
  5. They NEVER leave the house without re-applying their black eyeliner AT LEAST 7 times, and then their boyfriends have the cheek to shout at goths ‘oi lad! wot de f**k is dat al unda ya eyes ya mad nobeaddd’.
  6. They will usually be pushing a pram or sporting a huge bump. Birkenhead has the highest teen-pregnancy rate in England. On the chav riddled estate where i unfortunately have to live, i’ve lost count how many pregnant girls i’ve seen or heard about in the past year. One of the youngest was about 11/12 and was pregnant by a 29 yr old, and in my street alone there are 3 girls pregnant.
  7. They will be with their chav/scally boyfriends, see below.

How to spot a boy scally/chav in Birkenhead

  1. He will be driving round ‘buzzin’ off his ‘boss’ new car whilst stopping every couple of feet to ‘check out’ some ‘fit birds’. These girls can range from any age between 10-24, as long as they’re an easy shag (which is about 48 in every 50 girls in Birkenhead). The chavs car will have the latest dance music blaring out, mostly it will be a tape of the ‘pleasurerooms’ recorded off the radio. All windows in the car will be wound down and they will usually have a watergun or bb gun with them to shoot any moshers they pass by. (i have been soaked 4 times and hit by a bb gun bullet twice) Also, these cars are mostly robbed. that stereotype of scousers being robbers is definitely true.
  2. He will DEFINITELY be wearing a Lacoste tracksuit. Any boy that sets foot in Birkenhead without a Lacoste tracksuit on will be branded a ‘ponce’. Oh to be different. The boys in Birkenhead have taken a favour particularly to the bright-blue lacoste tracksuits, so you can imagine how funny it is to witness a group full of smurfs running round bladdered on a friday night thinking they look great in their ‘beast of a trackyyy’, even 40-year old transvestites wear them.
  3. He will have a skinhead, once again every lad in birkenhead or liverpool without a skinhead, is not ‘one of them’ (as if you’d want to be!).
  4. They will stink of Carling and weed. I don’t actually know how come the chavs and scallies round here have not been busted by newspapers and police. Every friday night i have to take a walk through a subway to get to my house, both sexes are seen urinating in gardens and smashing windows, cars and garden furniture and setting bins and anything they can get their hands on on fire, as i walk through the subway the girls and boys are all standing making lots of noise and taking drugs. The chavs here are between the ages of 11-20 and ive seen them sniffing cocaine, smoking pot, taking ecstasy and a couple of weeks ago when i walked through 2 boys, must of been about 17 were injecting heroin, whilst soliciting for potential punters. this just shows how bad situations are round here when screaming youths taking drugs in the middle of a neighbourhood aren’t being taken care of by police. nobody is reporting them because the rest of the neighbourhood are doing the same, taking drugs and having wild parties, just inside their houses.
  5. They will have some sort of cuts/bruises to their body. this has usually come from a fight with another chav. I have seen 1 poor lad get bottled just for walking past a group of chavs.

Birkenhead is the lowest of the low.

Birkenhead MP Frank Field has said Britain should enforce a law which makes yob-famalies live in metal boxed-houses, and he has said his constituency of Birkenhead could be used to house these people, this just goes to show that even their own MP thinks they are all nobodys and tramps if he is willing to stick more yob families together…or maybe its just because most of the metal houses would be filled with birkenhead people, so they don’t have to travel very far to see their families or other chav friends.

A couple of months ago, a bus carrying disabled children was travelling through the ford estate when it was hit by a brick, glass was shattered everywhere but fortunately nobody was hurt. this just goes to show how sick the children round here are. It is disturbing.

So if you ever feel the need to come to birkenhead…enter at your own risk, you have been warned.

  • Orlok

    So, two years ago I had the chance to go back to Birkenvegas and hook up with some family members.
    What’s this? One job between twelve of them and more babies than Catholic laundry.
    After chewing the fat for a good two hours and hearing about their latest spray tan experiences, I traveled to the lovely Brass Balance to have a pint and wait for my mate to show up. Outside the pub (it was a Tuesday at 11.00) was a man berating a lady friend and so I skirted around the argument and went straight in. Three minutes later as I stood at the bar, the same man came crashing through the doors having doubly failed to keep his paramour in check and negotiate the tricky one step. Luckily the bar was only half full of deadbeats and so embarrassment was kept to a minimum.
    My mate showed up, minus a front tooth from an incident that had occurred several months earlier outside Hornblowers when he was set upon by three of the local scrotes who decided to try and relieve him of his valuables. Sadly for them he gave them a good drubbing before realizing that the punch in the face had cracked his tooth in half. He’s given himself til his next birthday to get out of there.
    There have been some improvements to the town but the problem is the people. You know that bit in Poltergeist where they build a nice new housing development over a burial ground? It’s like that. Unless you get rid of the underlying problem, it’s going to come back to haunt you.
    Case in point. I got off the train at Hamilton Square Station and set my first foot on the hallowed Wirral pavement for four years. This was the longest I had been away from the place and as I walked up to the square I spotted an armchair turned on its side down John Street. I thought it would be a laugh to take a picture and post it up saying this is where the King of Birko holds court. As I got to the chair I noticed that next to it where several discarded cans of cider and an unmistakable pile of human faeces.
    I’ve seen people s**t in the street in three places over the years; Kigali, Patna and Birkenhead. Only one of those has public toilets.
    When your own citizens are using the street as a toilet, you’ve lost the war.

  • Anna Marie Casey

    How offensive is this. Me my friends, family are nothing like what you describe.

  • loz

    Lived in bhead myself for 15 years Defford not one if the scallies not everyone’s like that yanno. Glad I moved away though much nicer places but not matter where you moved to there still gonna be “scallies”

  • Peter

    When Obi-Wan Kenobi says those immortal words to Luke Skywalker in Star Wars:
    “Mos Eisley spaceport. You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. We must be cautious.”
    It always reminds me of Birkenhead, I lived and worked there for years and have seen it honoured ‘smack capital of Britain’ (something which it never recovered from) amongst many other infamous titles. There is just something dirty and inbred about it, as with anywhere, there are many good people but somehow the minority of scum always prevail. Wirral Borough council haven’t helped either, many years of corruption, incompetence and expensive failed initiatives…Their slogan should surely be…’Wirral Borough Council, because you cant polish a turd!’
    Essentially as with all bad areas the real problem is this: Scum have kids, bring them up with no regard for any sort of manners, respect, morals or decency and then they have kids, bring them up even worse and then they have kids, bring them up worse still and the downward spiral continues, depressing!

  • i’ll say this though — areas like west kirby and heswall are quite nice — but they’re not birkenhead. just on the wirral.

  • don’t listen to the scally c***s … birkenhead is a HOLE. anyone who’s ever spent time in the north-end knows this.

  • stephen doughty

    F**k you knobhead,Birkenhead is well sound,lived there all my life and have seen it all. It used to be one of the most prestigous addresses in the country with top schools,captains of industry,pioneering and socially minded entrepreneurs,the bravest of soldiers,most eloquent of poets,gifted of musicians,I could go on but “I’ve got a nudda beer/line/bong/hit bird ta shag dat I carn’t be arsed”. So if it’s that bad move to Moss Side, I’ve heard it’s “laffin dere kidda”

  • Birkenhead Banger

    hell chav towns,i see that you dont have you photos of ur self up, sh*t house, i hope your kids die of aids

  • jdka

    all the idiots out there who are so single minded they can only see one stereotype of people sure birkenhead is flooded with chavs but just the same there are alot of moshers or emos so take your pick of character you’ll find them all in the delightful boiling pot of birkenhead. Oh and craig watch your mouth you little muppet im part of the reeves’s family sure libbys a slag but not all of us are chavs

  • The Outer Image

    I’m sorry Chelsea, but I lived, albeit briefly, on the Town Lane estate where you lived and it’s the biggest sh*t hole this side of Baghdad. And explain to me how ‘moshers’ deserve it? Because they don’t cowtow to your idea of ‘normal’ if your lot running around in your Birkenhead Market tracksuits and your oompa loompa make up is normal. I’m glad to be different. Only 7 of your mates are pregnant? I take it the other 3 have already had their kids? Lastly, Birkenhead is not as bad as people say. I’ve lived in Birkenhead my whole life and I’m pretty well set, I have a job, a house and my own set of values, I’m more than happy in my jeans, leather jacket and hat, don’t tar us all with the same brush, we’re not all listed under the same damning indictment that this trogladite Chelsea puts us in!

  • Dx1111111

    I think that’s a load of b*llocks. Yes Birkenhead s a Chav town but there are loads of others up and down the country, places around Ipswich where cars are driven so hard the tyres burst, areas around Cornwall, where the sh*t seems to slide towards, High Wycombe, Southampton. I moved from London to Birkenhead and not only are the people friendly, but there is more support for the ones who are having problems with drugs and alcohol, than most other places. The reason? Its because Birkenhead are not ashamed to admit that there are serious social issues. Frank Field is right to admit that Birkenhead does need a serious revamp, an admission not many other MPs would admit. Sort your own sh*t out if you dont live in th area. If you live in Birkenhead and complain so much about it, then you are also part of the problem. So do something about it or shut the F*ck up.

  • craig

    there are allot of hard working people in birkenhead but the chavs put it all to shame.
    reeves im a mosher and iv heard of the reeves your all scum bags
    you can try “drop” me but youll end up failing OR end up dropping your own knickers instead

  • Luke

    I come from Birkenhead, and it is a sh*thole and i am nodding my head reading this all the way down lol as i have seen all that almost every day. Scousers get such a bad reputation due to all these chavs though, some parts of BirkenVegas are quite nice…

  • me

    chelsea really you’ve just clearly proven the point that was being made. For christ sake why write that only 7 of your mates are pregnant good way to make yaself look a twat. An personally I think it may be you that needs to be dropped or kick to the head to knock a bit of sense into you because its obvious to me that from the way you write and talk your clearly the type of person that was being described in this post so well done you idiot, great defence of Birkenhead girls am sure there all proud an happy to have you defend there corner HONEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • misha

    im from the other side but everytime i’ve been to birkenhead most of the people seem friendly, lots of elderly ladies in the market and the like. however i did notice though loads of underrage girls with bumps which is a bit worrying. and the ‘accesorize palace’ you mention well i think its great pair of sunglasses for a quid you cant grumble!

  • Chelsea reeves.

    Not bein funny or nothen youse are all stereotyping girls from Birkenhead as Slags wen only like 7of my mates are pregnant so get a grip cos yer we go abut orange&drop moshers but they deserve it, k.

    • Josh

      Any relation to Libby reeves Chelsea? If so, you’re defo a slag. Sos Libby. The only person that deserves anything is you and your birk mates. You should all be put up against a wall and shot. Thn fed to your ugly birk dogs you all have. only 7 of your mates? Wow that’s a low number. Not. Reckon you’re next if you’re not on your seventh Ford estate baby by now. F**kin sket

  • Birkenhead Escape

    I’ve lived in several places on the Wirral up until I was 25. Woodchurch, Nocturum, Seacombe and Morton, I was just telling my wife what it was like living on some estates (she’s from Stockport) She couldn’t believe it when I told her about the racism, drugs and crime that I witnesses growing up.
    After reading the comments on this sight, I went from laughing and agreeing with a lot of what was said , to feeling aggrieved for the people of The town!
    I was never a scally but had to live in some right sh*t-holes as a youngster and I agree there is a lot of Knobs in the area but there is a lot of honest, hard working, down-to earth, genuine people who would do anything for you.
    I moved from Birkenhead to Salford (enough said) made me miss Birkenhead and then to a seriously expensive area called Bodon in Altrincham. I’ve experienced so much crime, drugs and violence up Manchester/ Cheshire way.
    I was made up to move to a little Village on Anglesey with picturesque views, lovely (looking) villages. After the honeymoon period was over I realised you can’t escape from scally, thieving knobs because they are everywhere!
    So my point is dont tar everyone from Birkenhead with the same brush as a few of the post on here have but I agree it does has it’s fair share of “nob eddds”

  • Me

    I feel it will get worse as there is a major issue that hasnt been raised yet and that is the fact that lads are having that many kids by that many girls most of the kids will never know who there dad is. Some of the children born into this mess will not know when they are related and may get into relationships with half brothers and sisters. I dred to think but it has alrady started to happen.