Written by Anonymous Visitor and posted in North East, United Kingdom, Yorkshire

I am now thinking back to a time in my life I have tried to supress with drink, drugs, relationships, work and by banging my head against the wall till i dribble, but nothing works.  It was a foul time in my personal history; the time i spent in Dewsbury and Batly, west yorkshire, surly a contender for the arsehole of the universe

after finishing university i moved in with my dad into dewsbury, being short on money and ideas.  big mistake.  I soon found the residents of dewsbury had little to no time for a psudo-intellectual student ponce with a penchant for unusual clothes, hair and for sitting in hammocks all day eating soft cheese and reading.  dewsbury is:

-full of smackheads
-full of alcoholics
-where some of the london bombers come from
-where 12 year old girls get sodomised behind safeways by taxi drivers

and not my ideal hometown

being a sociable sort, thought id venture out into town.  the first night i went out with my brother to the only ‘bar’ thats left open late, had it all, surly barstaff, s**t music, someone being glassed, someone being hit by a pool cue etc.  for dancing with a girl (shock horror)  some skinny chav came up and punched me hard as he could in the face with little to no warning.  i may be a ponce, but quite a hard one (after having conditioned my body at s&m parlors!) so i smiled back at him.  this made him mader and an unseemly brawl ensued, including such chav-like pleasures as his mum (probably 40, looked not a day under 52, lambert and butler in mouth, mouth like a sailor, you get the picture!) punching me in the face, which hurt more than her sons as she had several very painful rings on!

so the nightlife wasnt for me, no matter, leeds is near (and increasingly trendified, now theres a true chav town that now thinks its somehow different, some kind of oasis in the chav desert that is west yorkshire:  the sunday after the playoff defeat sure disproved that!  anyway, i digress!).  but sometimes in my bored, unemployed and increasingly depressed state, i fancied a bit of afternoon drinking.  this meant i met a different style of chav, the hopeless pisshead.  weatherspoons my first stop.  lot of dole money being pissed against the wall in there i can tell you!  got chatting with some old guys, as saw the younger generation in dewsbury was not on my conversational level.  they were really nice, but so so hopeless.  couldnt believe how much they drunk, if it wasnt for their disability benefit theyd have been outside with the tramps drinking cider near the library (had a few run-ins with them too, too depressing to go into)

however i quite liked them, and they quite liked me (mainly because i was willing to patently listen to their stories, and reply in a way that showed i agreed with their point of view)  and showed me a pisshead trick.  this involves wrapping a 5p in a rizla and dropping it into your pint.  this makes it fizz and actually taste better.  apparently its because chain pubs dont clean their glasses properly, or use some kind of cleaner that inhibits the beautiful taste of carling, or something.

anyway, one guy was really cool, just got new flat having been homeless, and a proper laugh.  so we carried on drinking into the night.  this i could see was a mistake, as in our drunken state we headed for his home in dewsbury moor “shudders’.  his house was an ex-smack den and a f*****g state. apparently he still had smackheads trying to break his door down.  he made me the most disgusting meal ive ever had, fishfingers fryed in god knows how much gone off oil served on soaking wet bread (‘vomits thinking about how i put that into my body to be polite’)   he now seemed really keen for me to sleep over, and started going on about how he’d been abused by catholic priests, and how he’d never do the same to me because i was so nice

ALERT ALERT ALERT, even in my pissed state knew i had to get the hell out of there right away unless i wanted to have my anal virginity forcably taken by a pissed up irish guy

so i made some s**t excuse, promised id come round tommorrow and ran out into the worst council estate in the worst area in the worst town it had ever been my misfortune to live in.  i made the cardinal error of lighting a cig within sight of a group of chavs while wearing a rather nice blazer/shirt/tie combination.  this brought them to me like a pack of wolves.  now when confronted by chavs im proud to say i stand my ground and never give them s**t, and have never had anything taken from me.  but this time was different and i dropped a pack of cigs and a phone, barely talking my way out with my wallet and shoes intact.  so now i was running lost through the worst place on earth crying and vowing never to leave my house again.  managed to get a taxi and slept for a long long time.

have alot more to say about dewsbury, but think ive said enough.  DO NOT GO THERE, i experienced the dark night of the human soul in that place, my character is now so developed by the experiences there that i feel i can take on anything, because it cant be worse than living in dewsbury.  hope this was entertaining, if it gets posted ill write the follow-up:  ‘batley west yorkshire, the horror, the horror’

Stephen
stephenemorris@gmail.com


  • Lucy709

    What the hell. No hope at all for whoever wrote the above. My ten year old could write better!

  • lmfao at your spelling

    ………………..where the f**k did you learn to spell????
    get a grip ………………..
    i live in Dewsbury i have been here 28 year …………the sooner i leave the better
    nothing but chavs pakis poles and druggys
    your welcome to it

    • lmfao at your spelling

      @hayzi

  • That_Goth_From_Armley

    Bloody hell, and I thought Armley was bad!.

    I have to agree, from what I’ve seen of Dewsbury (which thankfully isn’t alot)
    it does seem pretty sh*t. I have to have weekly therapy (Mostly because of chavs) in Dewsbury and every time I call the taxi I’m almost literally biting my nails in fear while waiting! All you see is loud groups of chavs passing by being well…chavs, and God forbid I am wearing any of my (normal) gothy clothes, I wouldn’t dare go to therapy like that and make myself a target.

    Not how the world should be, people should respect each other, No one should have to fear for their safety just because of they way someone dresses and stuff like that. Chavs are just loud,rude,ignorant idiots.

    Which is why I am saving up a whole lot of my hard earned cash to buy a nice house in a nice area as far away from chavvy bastards as possible.

    P.s, Stephen, the intelligent humor of this story tickled me. If it isn’t exaggerated then You have balls, if that stuff happened to me as bad as you seemed to have gotten it, I’d have had a revolver to my head before I had a chance to write about it. Cheers for that, it made my day!. Hope you managed to get into a relatively chav free town.

  • ChaVBattee

    jesus, why do you these f**kwits insist on mis-spelling everything? Chavs are EVERWHERE, a sh*tty cancer on society. How can anyone who wears a baseball cap at the back of their hydrocephalic head and a robbin` outfit consisting of tracky bottoms tucked into socks think for a minute they look the part? complete and utter twats… i despair. The worst part is, the f**king government over here sponsors them. tsk….

  • halfcrown

    There are worse places than Chickenley. When I first moved up North, I lived in Chick . At least you know where you are with people there. If they dont like you…you know about it. I moved on to Howden Clough, where people pretend to be your friend then out of the blue stab you in the back. I have moved back to Chickenley now. If you don’t bother people, they don’t bother you.

  • Laura Hunter

    i feel obliged to reply to the chav above I live in nearby mirfield the only reason you dnt think (or tink should i say) that dewsbury isnt a sh*t hole is because its chav heaven with the charity shops, claires which has now shut down due to the thieving chavettes, drug dealers, pound shops my list could go on and on. you walk down dewsburys main street to be met by kids with kids that they cant control and a fouler mouth the Gordon Ramsay, the eastern european selling the big issue that can’t speak english and doesn’t no english money you then walk under the subway to be met by a homeless guy singing or playing an instrument that stinks of p*ss and a dole queue from here to timbuktoo full of mothers with fatherless kids and young chavs that cant be arsed to work and just want money for there drink and drugs. How can i forget the famous market which is like walking into a young offenders institute mixed with dementia care centre there is puke and litter all over the floor and the stalls are run by gypsys.
    Chickenley is like heaven compared to ravensthorpe which is full of underage asian chavs drinking and taking drugs, illegal immigrants and a couple of peadophiles have being rehomed there. Vinnys food and booze well what can you say if your lucky enough to look under the age of 10 you will require ID. The proof that ravensthorpe is pure chavland the bumps on north road its not that busy really but 4 children were killed on that road and many more injured due to the asain mothers that think its ok to send there 5 year old child to school on there own and the asian joyriders some barely 14 that think its fun to drive as fast as they can.
    As for people standing up for themselves I was attacked in dewsbury as i refused to give a 10 year old a cig so I was attacked on the precinct on a wednesday afternoon by 5 lasses right outside shoe zone I was thrown to the floor n kicked in the head whilst the lovely dewsbury people walked right on by or stood outside mcdonalds gawping 2 of these people watching were in there 60’s if the people of dewsbury had balls why did nooone stand up for me because if i saw that happening to someone else i couldn’t just stand and watch.
    one last word of warning peak to anyone by the last name of nickelson stay well away.

  • von sexsmith

    dewsbury sucks balls. you can’t talk to anyone here becaus they take so many drugs they mis-hear you and no matter how hard you try to explain that you didn’t say what they think you did they’ll smack you, but never very hard though cause 99% on the chavs here are soft as sh*t

  • Neil

    I have lived in Dewsbury all my life (50yrs)…. It really has become a big pile of sh*t with a river of p*ss running through it…

    Kirklees have left it to rot, it has no life left in it and has been taken over by those who couldn’t give a f**k about it, it’s history, the culure that once made it a pleasure to live in or the decent people who still have to live there but are ashamed to tell anyone.

  • rose

    now, i understand that people must dislike places like dewsbury, espeically if they have been living in ‘posher’ places and wrapped in cotton wool all their life.

    but that story is blatantly a lie xD

    and if it was true, thats the worse case scenario ever 🙂

    and from reading this, i’d say you were probably a bit of a, for the want of a better word, wuss?
    being a bit of an eccentric dresser, i have had a few run ins with ‘chavs’ (which, as this website proves, inhabit everywhere). i’d say i handled them better as a 13 year old girl than you did.

    i’d listen to the true dewsbury inhabitants above and ‘get over it’ 🙂
    xxx

  • cedley1969

    I had the misfortune of living in Dewsbury and Chickenley in specific, a mindless melting pot of the worst of humanity, coarse, crude evil sods with no hope and no future. The first opportunity I got I took to my heels and legged it, I would rather eat monkey vomit than go back to the diamond white sodden gulag.

  • hayzi_ov_dewsbury

    A lyk dewsbury.. gd 4 me so p*ss off n stop dissin it… SnOb

  • ChavHunter3000

    How could you possibly write about how sh*t dewsbury is without mentioning chickenly? I once had the joys of visiting the place and it actually looked like the people living there (or at least the ones hanging around on the streets) were carved out of excrement, not to mention the fact that entire streets were populated by just one or two families.
    I agree that Dewsbury, like much of West Yorkshire, should be left to rot in its own filth, such as the chav leaving the above comment. If that person likes dewsbury, then good for them, i just hope they stay there so as to not effect human civilisation

  • hayzi_ov_dewsbury

    ere ryt theres fuk all rong wiv dewsbury!! so wat if theres loads ov asians n chavz u jus rekon ur beta dan evri1 else in the world… omg so u got smaked n it jus so append 2 b a chav… GET OVA IT! u reli do take da p*ss. u is puttin loadz ov shyt bout dewsbury but i bet u wud neva diss ya own town coz its so ""perfect"". u jus wanna get a lyf 2 b onist wiv ya coz theres nowt rong wiv dewsbury n theres nowt rong wiv chavz!!! OW YER N ANUVA FING dewsbury iz not full ov smack heads or alcoholicz, yeh sum bombers came frm ere but dey probbli moved frm pakistan or wereva dey fukin cum frm n da las fing bout taxi drivers is kinda tru but dere is no safeways!! n ppl can stand up 4 em selfs so deres no problem ya get mi.